It's 2 am and after being awake for the last hour in the dark, I finally concede and get up. It is cold in the house, I wrap up in my favorite alizarin crimson Dr Who length scarf. I put the kettle on. There are so many words ricocheting in my head, I visualize them spilling out like marbles and rolling into the corners of the room.
Things are not perfect in my world and I don't want them to be. Things are pretty okay though. I hit repeat on this morning's song. I drink my hot tea, it burns the roof of my mouth. My mind turns to art. So many things have happened with my art that I never would have imagined, but at the same time I can't imagine them not happening either. I have been working on my art for so long now, showing it in galleries for the last fifteen years, since I was twenty three. It came about so organically when a friend saw my work on my apartment wall in Oregon. A painting of a shy demon with big eyes. I smile when thinking back to the painting that was my first entry in a long string of juried exhibitions. School came and went, I was in and out of my element, older than many of the students yet younger than some. I remember feeling so old at twenty seven when I graduated, as if I had missed the boat, but today at thirty eight I feel like I have just been born.
My work has changed and grown, always evolving over the years, not staying stuck in any one place for too long, yet always consistent within each series and new body. As I get older my work is becoming more personal and perhaps even more romantic as I settle into this role of story teller and artist and as I realize this is my true calling, and surely it is too late to turn back now.
When I doubt this, I remind myself that people from all over the world own my work, not just a few people but a lot of people. I remind myself that I have made and sold hundreds of paintings. Hundreds of incarnations out of thin air, hundreds of stories and secret wishes pulled out of the ether and realized in painting form.
My mind drifts as I look down at my glowing computer fingers. I hit repeat on the song once more and smile.
Thank you all so much for your comments last week. I really appreciated every one's suggestions, empathy, and insight. The winner of the paper painting is Lady Wrenna!! Congratulations! Please email me so I know where to send your painting.
Thanks again. Until next week... Keep fighting!