Come closer and see...

Adrift
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

After the fire
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

Begin again
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

Patch and repair
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

I'll sing my secrets
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

To return
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

In the house you live
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

On the brink
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

Donating = Loving

Back from the brink

detail. work in progress. 

Deconstructivism. That is my word of the day.

I am back in my studio working on the same paintings that I started a month or so ago. It's only since last week's experiment that I have decided I really like it when the canvas bits aren't so uniform and perfectly glued down. At first, I was trying to cover up the old maps adhered to the panel with bits of raw canvas and begin anew but now I really like the maps peeking out. This morning when I got to the studio, I started painting the previously coffee stained canvas bits white. I then spontaneously pulled one of the glued pieces of canvas off to see what it revealed and then I fell in love with what I saw and I remembered things.

I kept pulling bits off, saving the pieces and then later reconstructing the deconstruction. I just wanted to enjoy the textures, the energy, the colors from underneath and I didn't really care if it looked damaged. I love things that look damaged just like I love it when the greenery overtakes forgotten buildings. This is happening in these works, rebuilding, decay and then tearing it down and putting it back up but with the decay rearranged. These works are not smooth and will not be glossy afterwards. These works are dirty and wrecked but in this wreckage you find beauty. You find little gems and it feels honest. The whole time I was thinking, make the work you want to make. Make the work you want to see. This is my revolution. Tear it apart. It felt wonderful. I don't know when I last felt this, I just can't even remember.

And time did that thing! I put on an album and walked away and suddenly fifteen long songs had played and I couldn't believe it, it was as if I just put the record on. That rarely ever happens anymore. Today it happened. No wonder artists get so depressed, to feel this and then to have it go away! It's like being a magician and someone takes your magic away for a long time and locks it in a box and hides it right under your nose with the key around your neck but you still can't find it. It is horrible.

So what changed? Well, today I saw my future and I hadn't even dared to dream of one in such a long time. I completed a three week meditation course yesterday meaning that today I could either stop or find another. I found another one based on imagining our desires and manifesting those feelings into life. After the meditation I wrote exactly what I envisioned and what it felt like. I hadn't dared to think that way in ages. I had to unlock that box. I had to dare to dream, dare to want, dare to try. 

I hope I get to stay here for a while but I will take what I can get. I was just beginning to wonder why I was doing so much yoga, meditation and self care and I was feeling like I wanted to quit and then today happened. That is why we must never give up. We are setting the stage for today.

Make the work you want to make. Make the work you want to see. This is my revolution. Tear it apart.

One sided conversation: Mysticism in art

of missteps and secrets
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman

I must tell you that this is an experiment on multiple levels.

It's part of the rebuilding series. One of the ones that I didn't stain brown. I liked the way it peeled away from the face. I am curious about enough. What is enough to make art. Is "art anything we can get away with" really? This is an under painting and perhaps not done but if I give it a name and post it and share it, do people consider it finished? Yes, they do. But do I? I think so. I am experimenting with taste, minimalism and concept. I just like the textures and unbalance but it is void of feeling or is it?

It feels like my art brain has been dormant for so long. I am trying to reawaken it desperately. Yes, I want theory but I realize I must also work. So I have to make it interesting now or perhaps not interesting. I don't know what I am doing or why. So I must start over like a young student with no rules or limits with no needs but to make and enjoy the process. Moving, making and thinking about the process. Not for money but for love and in the process rediscover something more true again. I want to take risks, I want to scream, I want to break the rules. I have been good too long and played my cards too close. 

All of this talk. I never do this anymore. I have to dream and talk shit and revise and reform and think big. They are just paintings... but they are so much more. If they were just paintings I wouldn't miss not doing the work I need to do. I have to go into this place inside that is a bit mystical to make the work I really need to make. This vulnerable, weird place like a character almost. It is me but it is everyone before me and it is that woman's heart over there but it is my heart and it is his voice over there but it is my voice... 

I shut that all out. I shut it all down. I stopped receiving. It is a heady place when you tune in and hear all the stories that need telling, when you can get away with it and give in and do it and not judge or be judged and make them real. It makes my brain tingle and it makes me almost want to cry and it feels a little crazy but I know how it feels in the edges of my brain when I get in that creative space. I miss it so.

Life : A series in action

Hello again! Today, I am writing this outside in the sunshine as the birds sing and the honeysuckle bushes are leafing out all around my house. It is that distinct fresh new green that is piercing against the blue sky. It is Spring.

This week went by in the blink of an eye. Let's see what happened? There was some organizing, deep cleaning, painting and tax preparation. There were also routine things like paying bills, grocery shopping and getting my new health insurance card in the mail! I also saw friends and worked on some new projects.

I am delighted to announce that I am going to be the guest speaker at the April meeting of the Scottish Society of Northwest Arkansas. I will be giving a talk about my project, my research and my time in Scotland. I am very excited about this opportunity. I will be giving the talk in Springdale, Arkansas next Tuesday April 8th at 7pm at AQ Chicken House. The meeting is open to the public for folks that are either of Scottish descent or just admire the Scottish culture. I am looking forward to talking with everyone.

As far as the new series I am working on currently, I am thinking about them and the theory behind the series. So far the series is created on 12x12" panels with raw canvas torn into pieces and glued to the face of the panels, the canvas is stained and painted and they crash together or balance delicately. Things are being built and pieces fall, break and crumble away and then they are rebuilt over and over again, much like life. We are constantly rebuilding and I want to explore this within this body of work. Right now I feel a bit too scattered with preparation for my talk and my upcoming workshops to focus on the series the way I would like but I know I will right myself and refocus again. My life is a good example of my series in action. Rebuilding of attention, relationships, space, interests, needs, finances and of self.

I have also been using this time to do some inner work. A slight springtime tuneup. Eating well, taking my vitamins, exercising, yoga, meditating, writing, letting go of things that no longer serve me. Again, rebuilding. The springtime is a good time for a major rebuild and renewal. It almost seems luxurious to take care of myself in this way. However, I know this is critical to everything else that comes next.

How do you rebuild? How do you know when it has become critical? Will you give yourself permission?

Until next week, you know what to do.

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During the month of April I will be donating 10% of all my Etsy sales to the Jane Goodall Institute.