I am of the leaves, I am of the trees, I am of the road

I am sitting outside and the yard is now carpeted in orange from the falling leaves. This will be my last Friday night in Arkansas for a while. The stars are above me, and there is a warm wind blowing across the land. Record high temperatures. I see the headlights of the cars and trucks as they round the curve on old Hwy 71 and pass my parents' house in Winslow. I sit stretched out across two white wicker chairs in the dark, illuminated only by the porch light. I am listening again to Hermanos Gutiérrez and their hypnotic music. El Camino De Mi Alma has been the album of my visit.

I know I could take off my headphones and be enchanted by the bugs and the wind in the trees, but the music is equally enchanting and seems to contribute to my writing. Music, music, music... it holds such power and alchemy. I have found myself in the Winslow Dollar General several times over the visit and each time a song has come on that has had the power to shift my mood, my perspective, and my experience. Perfect and meaningful to me.

Modern English: I melt with you

Naked Eyes: Always something to remind me

Prince: 1999

Perfect selections, at the perfect time, in the strangest place. There are no accidents. It's like having my tarot read while surrounded by plastic and shopping for bread. 

Last Saturday, my Mother and I joined members of this community and beyond at the Riverside Rally for Democracy. It was another gorgeous sunny day and there at the Brentwood rest stop along the highway, we gathered for food, music, and camaraderie as we listened to speeches from some of the democratic candidates. It was good to see and chat with some lovely familiar faces.

I have watched more political news during these last 3 weeks than I have in ages and it has reached that special fever pitched intensity as it does right before an election. Repetitive and anxiety producing, the morning pundits drone on. How this election could be as close as it is, is genuinely terrifying. To quote the band X, "I must not think bad thoughts..."

But back to Arkansas, I spent another 24 hours in Fayetteville across parts of Wednesday and Thursday. I spent time in the old house again with a lovely and empathetic friend - ice cream was shared. I enjoyed another Fayetteville style serendipitous encounter/bonus visit with a dear friend as well. And then later that night met another old friend in a parking lot for expensive iced coffee drinks and a deep dive catch up. I drove by Lake Lucille and was glad about that - I love that wee lake. 

The next day I met a friend at Penguin Ed's (the old B&B BBQ) for a delicious lunch and afterwards we visited the East Mountain, Walker, and Confederate Cemeteries. I always go and visit Sally, a formerly enslaved woman who is buried there along with many others. I have visited Sally since I was a little girl. My friend and I shared some stories, got caught up, and took some photos. 

I headed back out towards Winslow a bit wistfully, knowing my trip was starting to wind down and that I won't see these familiar faces and places for another wee while. I keep my eyes on the road and make another trip to the Dollar General for ice cream for my parents. On the way back up the hill, the leaves danced across the highway in the wind. Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star in her low psychedelic drawl bellows, "Oh.... Sweet Mary of Silence" as I put my foot on the gas and drive.  

I am of the leaves, I am of the trees, I am of the road.

Thank you, Arkansas.

I see you. You see me. We are here.

Sunshine every day.

I haven't felt a drop of rain since I left Edinburgh in the wee hours of Tuesday October 8th. Unfortunately this means that Arkansas is in a drought. I am sorry about this and everyone here is apologising to me for the trees' lack of colour and the crispness of the earth. For me, these temperatures mean SUMMER as I am well acclimated to Edinburgh's weather. Folks here might be rejoicing in the cooler weather but to me it feels wonderfully "scorchio!"

I sit outside every chance I get. I even fell asleep under the sun listening to the bright red leaves of the maple trees rustle in the wind and fall one by one. The sky has been brilliantly blue. I am not sure if I have seen even one cloud. I rejoiced as I witnessed the full moon rise up and over the ridges of the Boston mountains in the night sky.

Nature is a balm for my soul wherever I may be. And for the past week, I have been in the rural community of Winslow, Arkansas after spending a few days in my hometown of Fayetteville. I can't believe I have already been in Arkansas for 10 days. 

When in Fayetteville, I have mostly stayed in the older parts of town that are fairly unchanged. My old neighbourhood has snuck a few houses in on some of the longer lots or replaced old homes with newer ones, but it is mostly intact. I love walking the very familiar streets of my childhood. One morning last week, I walked up to the square and met a dear old friend for coffee and ran into another one there too. So lovely to see these beautiful faces and catch up - however briefly. Touchstones from an earlier life - a family of odd souls. I will always love these warriors who I ran the streets and saw bands with back in the day. We lost a lot of our friends and many of our friends continue to struggle in one way or another, so it's a joy to see each other. I don't take their faces for granted. 

I also spent time sat on a porch swing and then moved on to a screened in back porch and talked the day away with another dear friend. Another friend popped by to chat too. That's how it has always been, spontaneous sightings, chats, hugs, and bowls of soup. That's what makes Fayetteville special and home to me. 

I met another pair of friends for lunch at a place virtually unchanged since the 1980s. It was great to taste the familiar food and see their smiling faces and hear of their latest adventures in life.

On another Fayetteville encounter, I helped a friend with a photography project. I also popped into the best record store - Block Street Records, and had a lovely chat with Logan there who was playing this great album. Everything has a flow in Fayetteville. People are easy and practically jump out at you with kindness and compliments. 

I forgot. 
I don't want to forget again.

Another dear pal came out to Winslow to take me back to Fayetteville to have lunch and then explore "the Ramble" and the new library addition before heading up to Fenix Gallery (sadly closed when we attempted to visit), but we enjoyed the grounds and of course had to take in the view of the town from the cross on Mt. Sequoyah. 

At my parents house, we sit around the dining room table eating meals and chatting about this and that while the television tries to sell us drugs. 

My mother and I attended the monthly vegan potluck at Ozark Folkways with the lovely locals there and then yesterday we ran into another lovely old friend who was participating in a Flea Market in West Fork. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. I picked up a cool rock and roll sweater for $2. 

I have been driving the winding highway between the two towns and the "back way" from West Fork. I sing at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down.  As I do, I eat the syllables in the back of my mouth. Short and sharp - I make up guttural country songs as I drive through the falling leaves. 

The other drivers wave, the porch sitters wave. Nod of the head, I wave back.
Our shorthand goes a long way - I see you. You see me. We are here. 

This is autumn in Arkansas. 

The true liminal space and the comfort of art

I left my flat in Scotland at 3 am on Tuesday morning for a 6 am flight to Amsterdam, onward to Minneapolis, and then finally to Arkansas. I was due to arrive in Arkansas at 4:25 on Tuesday afternoon. KLM/Delta was in charge of the flying. All I had to do was eat super tasty vegan food, listen to music, and watch a documentary on Rita Moreno. My other task was to glide through the airports - the true liminal space. 

Once I arrived at Schiphol, I knew I wanted to find the Rijks museum in the airport and so I did. A wee calm oasis awaited me. No more racing people, no loud calls from the speakers above, no hustle and bustle, just art in a dark space. A pause for beauty - inspiring and restorative. A quick breakfast salad and then on to my gate bound for Minneapolis. The flight was delayed by well over an hour and I knew that it would make my last connection close to impossible but I wasn't worried. 

I sat next to a lovely couple from Minnesota on the long flight, we made conversation and took cat naps as we flew like birds. I got a message from the airline app in the middle of the flight to say that they were sorry for the delay and I would be put on a new flight the following morning.

I decided I would be spending the night in the airport and I was okay with it. However, once I landed on the ground and made it through customs and immigration, there seemed like a chance I could make the final connection. I rechecked my luggage and ran through the entire airport. It was 30 degrees warmer in Minnesota that what I am used to and even though the air conditioning was in full effect, the passive solar heat from the huge windows was roasting me as I ran in an attempt to hold the plane. I almost made it but they had stopped boarding and shut the door. I slid down a wall to catch my breath and to rest while. I would be on that next flight tomorrow morning just as the app predicted. 

I spent from 2:30 that afternoon until 8:30 the next morning getting to know the MSP airport. Some chats with friends and family followed and an overpriced dinner was purchased. A couple of 20 minute massages from the robot chairs soothed the spasm in my trap caused by running with my heavy bags.

I found my accommodation for the night within a public art space video installation. This made me laugh as well as feel safe and completely in my element.

Art saves. I trust art, we are friends.

I would "sleep" to the repeating video compilation of artists talking about their varied practices. This was perfect. I had a spot off the main concourse with plug points to charge everything, free WiFi, and even a vending machine with cacao nib vegan chia pudding, that was cold and delightful at 2 in the morning. As the artists repeatedly talked to me about their passions, I would sleep for 2 hours at a time. I meditated and did yoga when sleep eluded me. I washed my hair in the bathroom sink and refreshed myself for the morning flight ahead. I sort of love being put in these types of situations. I am a worrier and over-thinker, but when things go awry, I can get pretty clear about what I need and how to make the best of it. So that's what I did. It's good to be reminded of this trait. 

I arrived at my gate at 5 am for a departing flight at 8:55 am. I greeted the woman who had turned me away from the gate the day before. A cheerful good morning was shared and I told her I was going to be on that plane. We shared a laugh and she said "Yes, you are, and I am moving you up to comfort plus - you will be on that plane." All was well. I chatted with a stranger about the upcoming election and then it was time to fly. 

A quick hop later and I was on the ground in Arkansas. A dear friend picked me up from the ever expanding XNA regional airport. My bag had arrived the night before on the plane (that I really could have been on) but I was just glad it was all there. Hot dry air hit me as I rolled my suitcase to her car. I am back in Arkansas - for the first time since my last visit had me flying out in January 2018.

We arrived at her house, which is the same house I left back in 2014 to move to Scotland. I hugged "my friend tree" (that's it's proper name) and said hello to my beloved cats Rufus and Evie's graves. I am home - it all still exists. 

Jet lagged but content, I listen to the bugs in the trees at night, look to the sky, amazed by the stars, and the sweet freight train calls out in the night. 

 I am home. I am home. I am home...

I dedicate this post to my community, my friends, my co-workers at the Scottish Artists Union, and everyone who has had a kind and supportive word. I wasn't travelling alone, you were all there with me. Thank you. 

Just like a ghost walking in place

 

Music.

Keep fighting.