Friday, July 3, 2020

I am a volcano

These are the first drawing or paintings I’ve done since June 12th. That's about a 3-week break. My skin felt like it was boiling from the inside out. You might say well then why didn’t you just make something? Good question. I think I stop to 1) rest and percolate. and 2) to remember how important this is for my life.

I am a volcano. I am headphones and joy division. I am charcoal and paper and unlimited cups of tea. I am a fever, I am electricity. It builds and builds and builds. I am a good woman until I am not. I'd like to run through the forest and throw rocks. I'd like to smash and kick the air. I'd like to scream from my guts until it shakes the trees. 

Instead, I'll draw. I will borrow your rock and roll smash it up energy safely from my sofa. I will screw up my face as I make the dark lines and I will break the charcoal instead. I will turn it up loud and I will disappear safely in your decades-old guitar sound and my heart will become the bass and I will go away in order to come back to myself again.

And each time it will be new, a revelation - a raw delight. I will close my eyes and shake my head and realise that no one gets to feel this but me. There is no way to make you understand so I don't even have to try to explain. What freedom. I'll step into your screams and take them as my own, I will wear your rage as a cloak and I will keep drawing. 

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