2024: Year in Review

Hello Dear Readers, 

Well, here we are again, my annual year in review post. I am already struggling to sit still and focus (it has taken me 2 days to finally get it done). This is an important post for me to write so I can actually see and feel what I did. As I always say, this post is more for me than for you so if you reach the end, then gold star all the way! I feel like this year's post may be quite a bit shorter than some. My relationship with my art has changed so much post pandemic. Like many of you, I feel like I have been navigating a lot of complex experiences and many of the things that used to push or motivate me ring a bit more hollow or just don't work like they used to. So much in my life has changed in these last few years and the way I navigate it is changing too. So let's begin.

Job: I am the Rep Coordinator & Caseworker for the Scottish Artist Union. I completed the SAU Rep Training Program Obair 1, 2, and 3 in 2022 and 2023, concluding with the Rep Residential in Crail in March of this year. I have been working as a Rep with the Union since June 2023 and in June 2024, I became a member of staff in my current role. 

It's an honour to help our members navigate the challenges that we all face across Scotland's visual and applied arts sector. I feel so fortunate to do work that is important, meaningful, and within my field, as part of a trade union. I also feel lucky to work alongside my union peers in the rep team, staff and learning teams, and our volunteer executive. We are a small team, working part time and mostly remotely while pursuing our own art practices and other projects. If you are a Scottish artist and haven't yet joined the SAU, please consider joining your union and getting involved! We are stronger together!

SAU and Related Learning Programmes/Events Attended: 

Negotiation Training: Francis Shennan and Joshua Becker

Structurally F–cked: Juliet Jacques in conversation with Industria

When what you get is not enough: SAU’s Political Education Pilot Event 

Funding for Artists Open Meeting: Applied Arts Scotland, Engage Scotland, Scottish Artists Union and SCAN

Introduction to The Inklusion Guide: A kickass guide to making literature events accessible to disabled people: Julie Farrell 

Cyber Security Knowledge Refresher: Craig Steele, Digital Skills Education

Improving Effective Voice, Equality, Fair Work and Health and Safety Rep Course with Scottish Hazards & STUC (the first 2 parts of a 4 part course)

Basic Income for the Arts in Ireland: What have we learned after 20 months: UBI LAB & BASIC Income Ireland

SAU EGM

SAU AGM

Associated Union Actions: 

Mass Vigil for Justice for Sheku Bayoh: STUC: Festival Square Edinburgh

Stop the Culture Cuts Demo: Equity: Scottish Parliament. 

Art Work: I created a huge overarching body of 307 pieces of work on paper consisting of multiple series from my home studio space. I just looked through them all after another long period of inactivity. I am gobsmacked. You have only seen a fraction of these small works. As they are mostly on very delicate paper I am not always sure how to present them. I can't wait for you to see some of these pieces. They really seem suited for a book or reproductions. This right here is why I write this blog for me. I have been feeling like I have not really given my painting enough of my time and energy this past year. I stand corrected. I feel these are some of the strongest and most personal works I have created in a long while. They are small and they are on paper and many of them feature drawing, writing, and mark making as much as painting and they were all created in my home. Oh, the brain plays tricks. 

What I haven't been doing is making them all shiny, presentable, and for sale. I haven't been updating my social media accounts regularly with them either. This year has been about making art for art's sake, the way it was intended. I was able to do this by being supported through my work with the union, a few art sales, my ko-fi patrons, and through other means.

Art Sales: I sold 5 originals to 3 patrons (4 originals on paper and 1 large original canvas). Thank you, Malcolm in Scotland and Jeanne and Jennifer in the United States for supporting my work at the start of the year. I appreciate you more than you can know. 

Gallery Representation: For the first time in 20 years, I am not represented by any galleries. I was represented by Solo Gallery in Innerleithen until July of this year but sadly, Kate decided to close up shop. Another loss for the Scottish Art Community, and especially for the Scottish Borders. Best wishes to Kate - a proper gallerist and a joy to work with.

Art Rental: Well, this is some news that I haven't yet shared, so you are hearing it here first and I have buried the lede. One of my large abstract paintings will be appearing in a film! My painting "In the time it takes" will be in California Schemin' - James McAvoy's directorial debut. I am looking forward to seeing the film and we will hopefully be able to catch a glimpse of my painting. Now, I can say my work has been used in television and film!

Art Licensing: I happily accepted a contract with Image Conscious, one of the largest wholesale art suppliers worldwide, they sell exclusively to retailers, art consultants, interior designers, frame and poster shops, speciality shops, and wholesale framers. In business since 1980, their collection is comprised of some of the world’s finest contemporary artists and photographers. You can read all about that here. If you enjoy my Echoes and Memory series, which is still one of my favourites, and you are looking for quality Megan Chapman prints for an office, restaurant, or any interior- then this is a great option. They even offer framing. If you buy the reproductions through Printano - they offer worldwide shipping and you can purchase in your own currency. 

Art Exhibitions: I participated in 1 group exhibition at the Out of the Blue Drill Hall to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the space. I also marked an anniversary this year -  I have now lived in Scotland for 10 years and I have had my studio at the Drill Hall for 10 years too!

Studio: There were no formal open studios this year at the Drill Hall. I found this very unfortunate, as that is one my favourite parts of having a studio. I miss being able to connect with the public. Regular open studios are also one of the most lucrative ways for artists to make money.

Unfortunately the rent was raised for the studio in December. Currently, I am able to keep my studio due to sharing the space with 2 subletters and the fact that I have 5 regular patrons who graciously support me monthly to offset some of these overhead costs. I know many artists across Scotland are facing this same dilemma currently. Do we stay or do we go? You can read a popular post I wrote about this issue, here.

Home Studio: Thanks to my pal and supporter Annie Milovic for helping me walk home an easel from my studio at the Drill Hall, as well as grab another piece of found furniture off the street and into my flat so that I could create a new home studio space this past year! These 307 !?! pieces would not exist without her kind offer of assistance and a friendly nudge back in January. 

Kofi Patrons: Currently, 5 amazing women regularly support my work and help me to offset my art business overheads. Thankfully, each month I am supported by Jennifer Libby Fay, Tamsin Haggis, Jennifer Douglas Arbuckle, and Annie Milovic and posthumously by Pat Bremner. Thank you all so much. Thank you also to my three one-off supporters this year, Ash, Kev, and Paul. Consider becoming a regular supporter or just leave me a tip. It all adds up and really makes a difference! 

Speaking of supporters, my dear friend and great patron, John Kay died earlier this year. I couldn't bring myself to talk or write about it as it seemed so sudden, shocking, and awful at the time, and honestly it still is. John supported my work, my spirit, and was always good for a laugh, musical comradery, and a funny Billy Idol meme. His passing threw me for a loop in the spring that took me awhile to come out of. I will endeavour to stay free, my friend, but it's a bit harder and less fun without you here. Sending love to all his friends and family who may happen across this post - and especially to his dearest daughter, Kirsty. 

Friday Studio Blog: I posted 52 weekly blogs. Thank you for checking in here. At first the posts were mostly selections from my works on paper and then we started to pick up speed towards the end of the year and the words came pouring out. I am proud of some of my writing this past year. 

Tuesday Studio Video Visit: Oops! I recorded none! Do I bring these back in 2025 from my new home studio space? Hmm.

Archive: I did manage to update and add some more pieces to my Archive. I will continue to work on this and let you know when it is in tip top shape. There is just so much work - we can see why...

Artist's work I collected/supported: Jenni Douglas, Fiona Thompson and Chris Donnelly of Cyan Clayworks, Victoria Ross, Ailsa Ferrier of Roadside Picnic, Kenris MacLeod, Crail Pottery, Vanessa Bullick, Adelaide Shalhope Exhibition Catalogue from Iota, Adrian Slatcher & Steven Heaton, Maria Bowler, Paul Furneaux, Louise McLaren, SNACK mag Fundraiser, Neuk Collective Fundraiser, Subatlantic, Interpol and Armistead Maupin (3rd time to see him since moving here). Thank you for all of your work. I love living with and experiencing your creations. 

Travel:

Crail, Fife - SAU Rep Residential (gorgeous and wild - I love Fife)

Innerleithen, Scottish Borders (best vegan haggis pie, among other things)
Glasgow (on 3 separate but equally wonderful occasions. I love you, Glasgow)
USA (Unbelievably warm - a gorgeous autumn - good luck and godspeed- y'all come visit)

Besides working on my art and my union work, I made time to read a few books, watch films, see Interpol (2 years in a row and for the 8th time!), listen to loads of music (on repeat), walk in nature, meditate, study a bit of Japanese, and enjoyed some local culture with my friends. And I finally made it back to Arkansas (as mentioned above) to spend some quality time with my parents and see a few friends for 3 weeks this autumn.

Note to self: Megan, my dear... You are enough. You do enough. You live enough. You create enough. You are good enough. I am also super proud that you took care of your teeth, had your hearing tested, had your eyes checked and got new glasses, and you took part in that fitness study. You faced fears, you learned, you grew, you grieved, you experienced really dark days as well as unabashed joy and wonder. You maintained and fostered relationships. You said no and you advocated for yourself and others. Thanks for being good to yourself.

__________________

As I did last year, I dedicate this post to my dear friends and patrons who are no longer with us. I have been fortunate to have been seen, understood, and supported by some amazing people and that is a gift that sustains me. Thank you. I will keep fighting and I will stay free.

Love always to my family of charcoal dust near and far and thank you to everyone who has supported my work as an artist and as a person. I couldn't do this without you and I wouldn't want to. 

Keep fighting. 

Whether in art or life

Scottish National Portrait Gallery 

So here we are, it's almost the holidays or the festive winter break, Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and whatever else you may celebrate. Perhaps, you enjoy Festivus.

The next two weeks may be quiet and weird with extra heaviness to navigate for some and for some, it will be light, bright, and easy. For many it will be a combination of nostalgia, guilt, religion, and capitalism. I used to like the holidays more - not the shopping part, or the wrapping part, or the logistics in seeing all the people that needed to be seen. I enjoyed the sparkling bits and the magical parts. At some point, things ceased sparkling in the same way and seemed much less magical. And each year since, if I have managed to find the sparkle in some way, it has been a real triumph. And I do manage. I am sitting here in a festive corner of my own design and my sparkly resilience is on full display. I enjoy my rituals and familiar ways of doing things even with certain adjustments.

I used my somewhat dulled creativity to conjure up my festive corner, using mostly what I had on hand to change the look and feel of the space. I enjoy putting things in groups and making it "just so." I probably should have been a set or window dresser or interior decorator. I miss creating spaces and vignettes.

Art is about making things "just so" but in a loose way. So that's what I will endeavour to do, create space and make it just right, whether in art or life. 

I plan to use this time to check in with friends and family, rest, recalibrate, and enjoy the time off from my job. I plan to have a residency of sorts while the world is a bit more quiet and return to my art, which has been a bit sidelined. When I write next week's post (my year end review) you will be curious by what I mean by "sidelined," as it probably won't seem that way to you, but I can be a bit of a task master. 

However you spend your day next Wednesday, I wish you beauty and peace.

Thank you for being here, the world needs you and the gifts you bring. 

Waiting (again)

I am back dating these posts more often than I like and the tuesday studio video visits fell by the wayside long ago. I didn't even try to sell you anything this year. 

I am letting it all slide and fall away as my energy is spent on living and laying down the first two bricks of the foundation in the hierarchy of needs. Again. 

I had a good dream last night, one of the special - true to life, lucid dreams, filled with symbolism and allure. I made a great cup of coffee this morning and I sang a made up song at the kitchen counter while looking up at the skeleton trees. 

Not bad at all. 

I completed some chores and I thought about ancient times. I listened to a familiar voice with his vulnerability vibrating down the line - a character actor singing about nothing. Perfectly. 

I meditated. 

I don't mind waiting.

Screaming from the window

"I am mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore" but what am I supposed to do with this anger?  Should I open the window and scream? Would you like to join me? 

I have so many things I want to say but I don't have the energy to get into it (isn't that what they want). My salty tears and mood are mostly about artists and our continued poor earnings and exploitation and the broken system we are attempting to operate in. My anger is fueled by the myriad of reports (this is the latest) that back that last statement up and the cherry on top is the racist xenophobic radge I sat next to on a recent bus journey.  

I am the master of looking for the positive spin, the humour, and the story of it all but I am really fucking tired of conjuring up this way of coping in order to make other people feel more comfortable or to make my rage more palatable.

So you can see why I am short on words this week. Yelling from the window seems the best option. I will meet you there. 

Buy Nothing Day

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

- Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything

What is old is new again

Archive in Progress

Thank you to everyone who read last week's post, "I'm not the artist I used to be." It seemed to strike a chord with many of you. It was one of my most viewed posts of the year. In fact, since I returned to writing more long form posts starting the second week of October, the readership has increased dramatically. This has of course been very encouraging. Writing this blog each week since 2007 has always been one of the more important and meaningful elements to my art practice. 

I have been feeling a strange sense of excitement like something good is about to happen, a bit like a kid the night before Christmas. This either means I am about to start painting again after a break, the weather is about to change (snow is forecasted), or it could be because I have been taking a deep dive into an older record by Interpol. Most likely, it's a combination. 

Part of me wants to get up and paint something new right now so I have some art to show you here but that is a ridiculous way to work and one of my old ways of operating. I have loads of pieces to show you, and I have older works that you have forgotten or never saw the first time around.

That brings me back to Interpol's 4th album, Interpol.

As I mentioned in my recent post, Our joy is our power, - "...every time I see Interpol their music returns to me shiny and new to be discovered all over again as if for the first time" and that is what has happened. When their 4th album came out in 2010 I didn't connect with it right away. However, I did go to see them on the tour in support of it. There was a lot going on in my life at that moment and the record didn't quite register with me in a meaningful way. It was a fine album, there were a few songs that I really liked, and then I put it away.

Interpol's fourth album is seemingly conceptual taking the listener through the course of a relationship - perhaps as the band was navigating some issues amongst themselves in real time. It was the last album that Carlos Dengler (their amazing bass player) worked on. It was reportedly hard to record. 

I am not a music critic and I don't get a thrill from dissecting an album song by song, and you aren't here for that anyway. However, I can tell you, that the song, Try it on has been on repeat for a week and I get a thrill from it each time. When it's not in my headphones, it's in my mind playing. It's the rhythm, repetition, and phrasing along with all the layers that pull me in. I find the emphatic, pleading delivery, immense. 

"Please explore my love's endurance
And stay, stay
Please endure my love's exhortations
No way, no fucking way, no"

I have been diving into the old beats, floating through the phrases, identifying with the emotions and feeling so lucky that I receive music in such a way that it can completely transcend the less lovely parts of life. And that something old can be new again and give me more joy than I ever imagined. 

And here lies the lesson. I have paintings that you haven't seen. I also have paintings that you have seen but maybe you weren't in the right place to receive them at the time. I have paintings that fit into your life now that perhaps didn't then. 

Artists get sensitive about this. We want to show you the new thing - where our heads are now. What we think is our best work as we keep evolving our craft and expanding our meanings behind it. There is also judgment around older work - it must still be hanging around because no one wanted it and now it has expired, as if art comes with a "use by" date like food. That's ridiculous.

I am listening to a song on an album from 2010 on repeat and it is delivering a fresh punch of joy each time. 2024 happens to be the year I was able to receive and comprehend this gift. 

When I don't share my older work, I am censoring myself and I am limiting your experience of my work. That's madness and that brings me to my archive. 

I have been working on my archive for years because my website is out of date due to space limitations and because of this, it is sadly static. My goal for the archive was to first showcase the last 10 years of my art - the large bodies as well as the smaller bodies of work. This is a huge undertaking and I have been working on it for ages and it is still not done. I haven't shared it because in my mind it is not perfect or complete. I need to get out of this trap and so I have decided to offer it up to you as it stands now.

I hope you will enjoy just some of the work I have created in the past 10 years in Scotland from my archive. There is still so much more to add to it. Currently, you will see untitled work, work with missing information etc. so if you have any questions about anything you see or don't see here don't hesitate to ask or leave me a comment. Eventually, I will share work from the beginning of my career on the archive too.

I just need to make a start, so here goes. Keep fighting, we need you here, perfectly imperfect.

I present to you the ARCHIVE.

I am not the artist I used to be

I am not the artist I used to be. 

I could be distressed by this (and I am a little) or I could be excited. 

The second one seems like the better option. 

I don't play the game as well as I used to and I always required a lot of help to play it at all. 

I have been beaten down and worn out by it and I got confused. 

I deviated from my original purpose.

I make art to express myself to myself and to understand the world and my place in it. 

I make art because I am good at it and it feels good to be good at something.

I make art because it gives me a purpose and helps me make sense of my brain.

I make art because I don't always understand the world or myself and it helps me to feel better. 

I make art to hide within and to stand strong beside. 

I make art because it is something I know how to do better than almost anything else. 

I don't always stick to a routine or a schedule and I judge myself for this but less and less.

I know my natural rhythm is a trickle or a deluge. 

I know I am rebellious against the routines I love the most. 

I know I can have a hard time with record keeping, documenting, archiving, and consistently sharing my work as well as presenting it for sale. Probably because I am a painter and could use more support in these areas - but I am done judging myself for this and I am proud of doing it as well as I have.

I don't love all art, some art really pisses me off and I wish it would go away. 

I have made 1000 choices in order to live the way I do, to protect my art, my brain, my being. Some of these were hard and some of my choices were not so good, or easily understood, but I am still here. 

I still need people to view, enjoy, and support my art - I don't want to work in a vacuum and community engagement is extremely important to me.

Financial support of my art is crucial. I'm not independently wealthy and I can live a pretty precarious existence that is at times stressful and scary. 

If you want to see me in my flow state, ask me to talk about art. When I don't have the chance to do this (and I haven't really in years) I feel like a part of myself is missing.

Art has given me so much in terms of community, love, support, joy, and excitement. I have sacrificed a lot for art in exchange. I wouldn't change it. 

I have cried over and regretted this calling.

I still wouldn't change it. I can't.

When art returns to me after being away there is no better feeling.

To be certain of my place in the lineage feels like coming home. 

I am not the artist I used to be.

So let's see what happens next...

Keep fighting. 

Our joy is our power

Well, shit. 

There is a certain way those two words are said together in my head in an Arkansas accent that conveys a certain feeling. It might be my grandmother's voice I hear it in, or perhaps it's my fathers, or maybe it's my own. 

Well, shit...

I have been eating cookies for breakfast while avoiding the news or reading any articles. I have been checking on friends and family and gratefully focused on union work. I have been going for walks, bereft and questioning but not surprised. 

But, let's go back in time to before the shit hit the fan - I was jet lagged and hopeful and I had one more adventure in the cards before I could rest. On Monday, I caught the train through to Glasgow to see Interpol for the 8th time. 

Paul Banks of Interpol

Daniel Kessler of Interpol

I was really worn out from travelling and a recent migraine but I knew Interpol would give me more energy than getting myself over to see them would ever take. I was right. The train was smooth and easy, the venue was close to the station, and I left early enough to stop by a cafe for a light dinner before chatting to the folks working the door at the venue. I was one of ten or so early birds or super fans. They let us in the venue at 6 to wait for the stage doors to open at 7. Water was purchased, toilets were used, and all the women at the front of the line chatted with each other and laughed. We were instant friends with one shared objective, to be right in front of Paul and Daniel of Interpol. We were from countries all around the world and we spanned generations. Some of these women had just seen each other at the previous gigs in Wolverhampton and Manchester. The woman from Leeds next to me had seen them 31 times. The artist I met waiting at the door made sure I had a great spot next to her at the barricade and we traded Instagram handles and talked about witches and art. We were an instant sisterhood -  with our shared and knowing smiles, talks of ageing, the joys of gigging alone, art, small towns, cats, travel, politics, and of course Interpol. 

I was uplifted by these kindred spirits before the band even took the stage.

The opening band Dust from Australia played a fine noisy set and seemed extremely appreciative of the Glasgow audience which made me wonder how they had been received by Wolverhampton and Manchester. 

Interpol took the stage at 9:15 playing their second album Antics in its entirety, and then a set of 9 songs spanning their catalog, capping off the night with a perfect one song encore by playing PDA from Turn on the Bright Lights. The light show was intense and atmospheric and both Paul and Daniel were in fine form and seemed delighted to be there. Sadly Sam was missing as he continues to recover from spinal surgery and health issues. It was another great Interpol gig.

I hugged my new barricade mate goodbye and was out the door to catch the 11:15 train back to Edinburgh. Once returned to the city and on the bus in the wilds of Leith, another Interpol fan recognised me as they were exiting the bus, "Weren't you just at Interpol and in the front?" Aye, I was. Smiles were shared, take cares uttered and again I was embraced into the fold of humanity. The night ended as it began.

I was energised and happy to be alive. 

As I mentioned the last time I wrote about Interpol here, all you have to do is use the search feature in the top left of this blog to see how I feel about the band and what they mean to me, my life, and work. That's the power of art and music - it is truly life giving and inspiring, momentum building and community forging, identity shaping, alchemic bliss. 

The edge of a guitar note as it rings out, the turn of phrase, the gasp and crack of the voice, the bass as it moves through you and drums as they ground and transcend. There is nothing much better than that. And every time I see Interpol their music returns to me shiny and new to be discovered all over again as if for the first time.

Tears drown in the wake of delight
There's nothing like this built today
You'll never see a finer ship in your life
We sail today...

That was Monday night, then the US Election on Tuesday came and went, and like a needle being dropped on a record, Wednesday was a day of mourning and the rest of the week was a blurred hellscape. And here we are.

And I am still listening to Interpol as I walk briskly through the leaves. I still "understand the assignment" and I still stand by art, music, and community. 

Our joy is our power.

My heart lives in two places

What a difference a few days make. 

I have on my cosy jumper while sitting under a blanket with the lamps turned on. It will be dark within 30 minutes. This can only mean one thing... I am back in bonny Scotland sitting in my flat. The window is speckled with rain drops. I do have my big headphones on though just like the last time I wrote, but the music has changed. I decided to listen to an old favourite on repeat. 

Thanks to everyone who read my last three blog posts written in Arkansas. If you missed them the first time here they are again. 

October 11th https://meganchapman.blogspot.com/2024/10/the-true-liminal-space-and-comfort-of.html

October 18th https://meganchapman.blogspot.com/2024/10/i-see-you-you-see-me-we-are-here.html

October 25th https://meganchapman.blogspot.com/2024/10/i-am-of-leaves-i-am-of-trees-i-am-of.html

Let's pick up where we left off, in the last few days I was with my parents, I did various projects around their house, enjoyed the sun and warmth as much as I could, did a bit of work, and ran some errands and just spent time with them. On Sunday, a dear family friend came to visit us with some lovely baked goods - we caught up on the weirdness of life around the table. Later that day, my mother and I enjoyed Fiber Fest down the road at Ozark Folkways. Again, I spontaneously ran into a couple of people I knew there and it was a delight.

On Monday, we took family photos against the orange backdrop of the maples and I said a tearful goodbye to my dad before I took my mom to an appointment in town. Afterwards we ran some errands together, where I ran into yet another person I was happy to see for a quick catch up over a shopping cart.

Afterwards, my mom and I had a mediocre but funny lunch, saw another dear friend for a bonus spontaneous visit, ran another errand, and then I was dropped off where I started, at the old house in town. I hugged my mother goodbye and she was on her way back to Winslow.

I organised my belongings, and then took my dear friend out for a delicious dinner at one of my favourite old spots - Thep Thai (it's still good Barbara - get the Pad Kee Mao with Tofu #35). On the way back I asked my pal to stop so I could take a photo of a dreamy Cadillac at dusk in the parking lot of the old muffler shop. Magic!

Once again at the old house, I just had a bit more organising to do before it was off to sleep. The next day would see the long journey back to Scotland that would start Tuesday morning Arkansas time and end Wednesday morning in Edinburgh. Three planes back and this time no missed connections. I even had time to enjoy the Prince store in Minneapolis - I saw one of his guitars and his hand written song notes. I was quite the fan back in the day and if you recall 1999 was mentioned in the blog post prior to this one, so again - there are no accidents.

After sitting next to a MAGA bro with some weird ideas on the first flight, I was rewarded on the next two with no one sitting next to me. On the overnight airbus, I was sat on the aisle at the end of a row of four, in the middle of the plane. The dutchman at the other end and I shared air high fives as no one was seated in the two middle seats between us. Yes! I love these spontaneous joyful interactions with strangers. I settled in and ate more delicious KLM food while watching a film, listening to music, and sleeping. Smooth as vegan butter. 

Later, I watched from the window on the last flight as Edinburgh came into view - a calm joy washed over me. I love making that bank over the Firth of Forth. I eased through the border with my U.K. passport, picked up my bag, and ordered a chai. Thanks to the insistence of my parents, I got a taxi back home. 

I enjoyed the banter with the taxi driver as we drove in the sideways morning light. Once dropped off, I rolled my suitcase into my garden and heard the familiar wail of the stray cat (wee bear as he is now known) that I have been feeding for over a year. All was well. My pals had been looking after him while I was away (thanks Alice, Ever, and Eleanor - it takes a village to feed a stray cat). Besides the hungry cat, fresh flowers greeted me along with a card once inside. My people are the best people. 

It was all still here. My heart lives in two places. 

I took a nap, a shower, a walk to visit my Scottish friend tree, and then I jumped into work meetings and again all was well. 

I dedicate this post and the previous three travel posts again to my communities near and far and to all the people who make this world a beautiful and kind place. Thank you. 

Oh, and to music - I dedicate most things to music! 

The album I listened to while flying

I am of the leaves, I am of the trees, I am of the road

I am sitting outside and the yard is now carpeted in orange from the falling leaves. This will be my last Friday night in Arkansas for a while. The stars are above me, and there is a warm wind blowing across the land. Record high temperatures. I see the headlights of the cars and trucks as they round the curve on old Hwy 71 and pass my parents' house in Winslow. I sit stretched out across two white wicker chairs in the dark, illuminated only by the porch light. I am listening again to Hermanos Gutiérrez and their hypnotic music. El Camino De Mi Alma has been the album of my visit.

I know I could take off my headphones and be enchanted by the bugs and the wind in the trees, but the music is equally enchanting and seems to contribute to my writing. Music, music, music... it holds such power and alchemy. I have found myself in the Winslow Dollar General several times over the visit and each time a song has come on that has had the power to shift my mood, my perspective, and my experience. Perfect and meaningful to me.

Modern English: I melt with you

Naked Eyes: Always something to remind me

Prince: 1999

Perfect selections, at the perfect time, in the strangest place. There are no accidents. It's like having my tarot read while surrounded by plastic and shopping for bread. 

Last Saturday, my Mother and I joined members of this community and beyond at the Riverside Rally for Democracy. It was another gorgeous sunny day and there at the Brentwood rest stop along the highway, we gathered for food, music, and camaraderie as we listened to speeches from some of the democratic candidates. It was good to see and chat with some lovely familiar faces.

I have watched more political news during these last 3 weeks than I have in ages and it has reached that special fever pitched intensity as it does right before an election. Repetitive and anxiety producing, the morning pundits drone on. How this election could be as close as it is, is genuinely terrifying. To quote the band X, "I must not think bad thoughts..."

But back to Arkansas, I spent another 24 hours in Fayetteville across parts of Wednesday and Thursday. I spent time in the old house again with a lovely and empathetic friend - ice cream was shared. I enjoyed another Fayetteville style serendipitous encounter/bonus visit with a dear friend as well. And then later that night met another old friend in a parking lot for expensive iced coffee drinks and a deep dive catch up. I drove by Lake Lucille and was glad about that - I love that wee lake. 

The next day I met a friend at Penguin Ed's (the old B&B BBQ) for a delicious lunch and afterwards we visited the East Mountain, Walker, and Confederate Cemeteries. I always go and visit Sally, a formerly enslaved woman who is buried there along with many others. I have visited Sally since I was a little girl. My friend and I shared some stories, got caught up, and took some photos. 

I headed back out towards Winslow a bit wistfully, knowing my trip was starting to wind down and that I won't see these familiar faces and places for another wee while. I keep my eyes on the road and make another trip to the Dollar General for ice cream for my parents. On the way back up the hill, the leaves danced across the highway in the wind. Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star in her low psychedelic drawl bellows, "Oh.... Sweet Mary of Silence" as I put my foot on the gas and drive.  

I am of the leaves, I am of the trees, I am of the road.

Thank you, Arkansas.

I see you. You see me. We are here.

Sunshine every day.

I haven't felt a drop of rain since I left Edinburgh in the wee hours of Tuesday October 8th. Unfortunately this means that Arkansas is in a drought. I am sorry about this and everyone here is apologising to me for the trees' lack of colour and the crispness of the earth. For me, these temperatures mean SUMMER as I am well acclimated to Edinburgh's weather. Folks here might be rejoicing in the cooler weather but to me it feels wonderfully "scorchio!"

I sit outside every chance I get. I even fell asleep under the sun listening to the bright red leaves of the maple trees rustle in the wind and fall one by one. The sky has been brilliantly blue. I am not sure if I have seen even one cloud. I rejoiced as I witnessed the full moon rise up and over the ridges of the Boston mountains in the night sky.

Nature is a balm for my soul wherever I may be. And for the past week, I have been in the rural community of Winslow, Arkansas after spending a few days in my hometown of Fayetteville. I can't believe I have already been in Arkansas for 10 days. 

When in Fayetteville, I have mostly stayed in the older parts of town that are fairly unchanged. My old neighbourhood has snuck a few houses in on some of the longer lots or replaced old homes with newer ones, but it is mostly intact. I love walking the very familiar streets of my childhood. One morning last week, I walked up to the square and met a dear old friend for coffee and ran into another one there too. So lovely to see these beautiful faces and catch up - however briefly. Touchstones from an earlier life - a family of odd souls. I will always love these warriors who I ran the streets and saw bands with back in the day. We lost a lot of our friends and many of our friends continue to struggle in one way or another, so it's a joy to see each other. I don't take their faces for granted. 

I also spent time sat on a porch swing and then moved on to a screened in back porch and talked the day away with another dear friend. Another friend popped by to chat too. That's how it has always been, spontaneous sightings, chats, hugs, and bowls of soup. That's what makes Fayetteville special and home to me. 

I met another pair of friends for lunch at a place virtually unchanged since the 1980s. It was great to taste the familiar food and see their smiling faces and hear of their latest adventures in life.

On another Fayetteville encounter, I helped a friend with a photography project. I also popped into the best record store - Block Street Records, and had a lovely chat with Logan there who was playing this great album. Everything has a flow in Fayetteville. People are easy and practically jump out at you with kindness and compliments. 

I forgot. 
I don't want to forget again.

Another dear pal came out to Winslow to take me back to Fayetteville to have lunch and then explore "the Ramble" and the new library addition before heading up to Fenix Gallery (sadly closed when we attempted to visit), but we enjoyed the grounds and of course had to take in the view of the town from the cross on Mt. Sequoyah. 

At my parents house, we sit around the dining room table eating meals and chatting about this and that while the television tries to sell us drugs. 

My mother and I attended the monthly vegan potluck at Ozark Folkways with the lovely locals there and then yesterday we ran into another lovely old friend who was participating in a Flea Market in West Fork. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. I picked up a cool rock and roll sweater for $2. 

I have been driving the winding highway between the two towns and the "back way" from West Fork. I sing at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down.  As I do, I eat the syllables in the back of my mouth. Short and sharp - I make up guttural country songs as I drive through the falling leaves. 

The other drivers wave, the porch sitters wave. Nod of the head, I wave back.
Our shorthand goes a long way - I see you. You see me. We are here. 

This is autumn in Arkansas. 

The true liminal space and the comfort of art

I left my flat in Scotland at 3 am on Tuesday morning for a 6 am flight to Amsterdam, onward to Minneapolis, and then finally to Arkansas. I was due to arrive in Arkansas at 4:25 on Tuesday afternoon. KLM/Delta was in charge of the flying. All I had to do was eat super tasty vegan food, listen to music, and watch a documentary on Rita Moreno. My other task was to glide through the airports - the true liminal space. 

Once I arrived at Schiphol, I knew I wanted to find the Rijks museum in the airport and so I did. A wee calm oasis awaited me. No more racing people, no loud calls from the speakers above, no hustle and bustle, just art in a dark space. A pause for beauty - inspiring and restorative. A quick breakfast salad and then on to my gate bound for Minneapolis. The flight was delayed by well over an hour and I knew that it would make my last connection close to impossible but I wasn't worried. 

I sat next to a lovely couple from Minnesota on the long flight, we made conversation and took cat naps as we flew like birds. I got a message from the airline app in the middle of the flight to say that they were sorry for the delay and I would be put on a new flight the following morning.

I decided I would be spending the night in the airport and I was okay with it. However, once I landed on the ground and made it through customs and immigration, there seemed like a chance I could make the final connection. I rechecked my luggage and ran through the entire airport. It was 30 degrees warmer in Minnesota that what I am used to and even though the air conditioning was in full effect, the passive solar heat from the huge windows was roasting me as I ran in an attempt to hold the plane. I almost made it but they had stopped boarding and shut the door. I slid down a wall to catch my breath and to rest while. I would be on that next flight tomorrow morning just as the app predicted. 

I spent from 2:30 that afternoon until 8:30 the next morning getting to know the MSP airport. Some chats with friends and family followed and an overpriced dinner was purchased. A couple of 20 minute massages from the robot chairs soothed the spasm in my trap caused by running with my heavy bags.

I found my accommodation for the night within a public art space video installation. This made me laugh as well as feel safe and completely in my element.

Art saves. I trust art, we are friends.

I would "sleep" to the repeating video compilation of artists talking about their varied practices. This was perfect. I had a spot off the main concourse with plug points to charge everything, free WiFi, and even a vending machine with cacao nib vegan chia pudding, that was cold and delightful at 2 in the morning. As the artists repeatedly talked to me about their passions, I would sleep for 2 hours at a time. I meditated and did yoga when sleep eluded me. I washed my hair in the bathroom sink and refreshed myself for the morning flight ahead. I sort of love being put in these types of situations. I am a worrier and over-thinker, but when things go awry, I can get pretty clear about what I need and how to make the best of it. So that's what I did. It's good to be reminded of this trait. 

I arrived at my gate at 5 am for a departing flight at 8:55 am. I greeted the woman who had turned me away from the gate the day before. A cheerful good morning was shared and I told her I was going to be on that plane. We shared a laugh and she said "Yes, you are, and I am moving you up to comfort plus - you will be on that plane." All was well. I chatted with a stranger about the upcoming election and then it was time to fly. 

A quick hop later and I was on the ground in Arkansas. A dear friend picked me up from the ever expanding XNA regional airport. My bag had arrived the night before on the plane (that I really could have been on) but I was just glad it was all there. Hot dry air hit me as I rolled my suitcase to her car. I am back in Arkansas - for the first time since my last visit had me flying out in January 2018.

We arrived at her house, which is the same house I left back in 2014 to move to Scotland. I hugged "my friend tree" (that's it's proper name) and said hello to my beloved cats Rufus and Evie's graves. I am home - it all still exists. 

Jet lagged but content, I listen to the bugs in the trees at night, look to the sky, amazed by the stars, and the sweet freight train calls out in the night. 

 I am home. I am home. I am home...

I dedicate this post to my community, my friends, my co-workers at the Scottish Artists Union, and everyone who has had a kind and supportive word. I wasn't travelling alone, you were all there with me. Thank you.