I feel like I am losing myself or is this the way back? I am not sure.
My dreams have been so real and I can tell my brain is processing and crunching memories, fears, loves, and losses. Crunching, crunching, crunching.
I wake up in a stupor because my mind has used all its energy in the night.
The first cup of coffee is a miracle. I imagine I am a fish as I breathe it in through my gills, desperate for air.
I settle in to feed on the information that runs me ragged. News stories, doom at every turn, sadness and despair, punctuated with fight and litigation.
Everyone is having a hard time. I am not unique. We are all in this particular hell together.
I can't express myself, so I eat bread and cereal. I don't feel hungry but I keep eating. I feel myself expanding even though what I really want is to disappear from this timeline.
I will perform these behaviours until the inward anger rises and the discomfort snaps me into a grand correction. Then I will be like jesus and get my shit together.
A return to my better ways of living.
A rebellion curtailed until the next time.
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