Jumbled up...

details from my easel

I have three new paintings on the go currently in my studio. I have been attempting to work on them to the point that I could share them with you today, but it just wasn't meant to be. There were too many voices, too many outside influences and gibberish. I could not connect or find the track I needed that would allow me to be the conduit this week. I tell myself this is okay, I can feel something at the edge, an inspiration welling up. There are stories I want to write, photographs I want to take and of course these three paintings I want to complete. It is interesting to me, that I can have a completely uplifting experience last Friday with a patron and then the week following takes me far away from those feelings and leaves me grasping.

Let's focus on the uplifting experience. Last Friday, a patron came into the Underground and we looked at all my paintings, we sat in my studio and I felt like we both really looked at my work. Then we moved some of it into the gallery and we really looked again. It was a unique experience to stand next to the patron while he intensely studied my work. We both just stood there looking for a long time, and for an instance it was not my work we were looking at, it was just work. It was art on a gallery wall. We were silent and then there was a moment where we turned and looked at each other, the silence was broken with a smile and perhaps a laugh because I think we had both been caught in a space far away just for a moment. It was a wonderful feeling. To know that my work was taking us somewhere and words were not needed. Even if he had not chosen to purchase my paintings, I would have treasured those silent moments. However, he chose all three that he viewed, and it was the right choice. I was then asked to deliver my work, and that was an extra treat for me. Upon entering the patrons home I understood at once, why he was drawn to my work. He and his wife seemed thrilled to have it in their home. We placed it around the house and we looked again and we talked about it. It was another wonderful moment, where I knew how lucky I am to have the job that I do as a visual artist. I will never get tired of these connections, these moments outside of the regular humdrum of daily life. I left with a smile on my face and a gratefulness in my heart.

It is a job, but it is more of a calling. Everyday, I know more and more that this is my life. There is much more to me than just painting and art, but it is central to my happiness and well being. It is central to how I relate in the world and with others. It has brought me in contact with some of the most beautiful souls on the planet. It has expanded my horizons, my self confidence and worth. I am writing this so I will remember. All of these feelings are so easy to forget. Such as this week, when the art was not flowing and it becomes scary and frustrating. There will always be weeks when my confidence is shaken and it feels as though I have never held a brush and have never had an inspiration.

When these thoughts get too much, I will remember the silence shared in the gallery and I will remember diving into my work with a stranger only to resurface as friends.