I am not painting right now and it bothers me. I can't remember the last day I actually painted.
I remember varnishing paintings. I remember cleaning the studio and getting it all set up for open studios at the beginning of December but I can't remember getting lost in the brush strokes of a painting.
It's been a busy couple of months with the three week holiday in November in Arkansas, the open studio event at the start of December, and a studio sale in my Etsy shop. I have also packed and shipped a few orders (Thank you patrons!). I have done some social media promotion here and there. I have seen some exhibitions and art in these past weeks as well.
Of course there was also holiday decorating, baking and shopping and a holiday party to attend. There was also jet lag and getting used to the dark, rainy days. Let's not forget the election news (which is enough to make anyone with sense want to hide in a hole).
Perhaps the last six to eight weeks haven't been meant for painting. Maybe I am collecting feelings, ideas and inspirations. Maybe I am having a holiday from it all even though it feels weird and frightens me a little. I have been here before. In the new year the doors will open, the business of life will settle into a routine again and I will paint. There is no point in entertaining this creeping doubt, I have painted consistently for over twenty years, I am unlikely to ever stop.
I am curious how my trip back to Arkansas will enter into my painting and the grim Scottish winter, will it change the hot pinks that were happening earlier this year? I did dream of a colour palette that I quite liked, will I use it in future paintings?
This post is mostly for me so I can let go of these bothersome, "you aren't working hard enough - you fraud!" feelings (some of the most common feelings for working artists). I know this is an old useless script anyway but I am human and it comes up.
I have now made my confession in the glow of the Christmas tree, with the curtains drawn and the rain pelting the window and I know now in my heart that the ache in my fingertips will produce more art in the coming days. I can rest easy.
Until next week, keep fighting (but not yourself, fight the power, fight the man but never yourself- you probably do enough of that already!) and join me here next week for my annual year end review blog.
Take care one and all and happy holidays.
Love and light. - Megan