Oldest Living Things

The sun is shining and the light has that lovely afternoon autumnal glow. The last gasp of summer warmth is soaked up walking to and from the studio and running errands.

New supplies arrived in the studio this week. It's always exciting to receive new paint, charcoal sticks, and my beloved charcoal powder. Two rather large canvases were in the mix of new materials as well. I am looking forward to diving into all of this. However, right now I need to focus on a couple of smaller works and finishing a commission. I find the change in seasons a bit distracting.

The three-year anniversary of my arrival in Edinburgh was on Tuesday so I took some time off to contemplate it all and enjoy myself.
You can see the Tuesday video visit here if you missed it.



I did manage some studio time and began working on one 40x40cm/16x16" canvas. It has a long way to go yet. Here it is surrounded by studio mess. I think the surroundings capture my mind right now. There are so many directions I want to take.

It was 6 days ago that Stewart put out our super wee EP, Dérive: Living Among Filaments. One of my favourite tracks is the last one, Oldest Living Things. I especially like the ending bit. Give it a listen if you like being cooed and hooted at in an alternative universe.

That's all I have for you this week. Thank you for being part of my story.

Oh find me sweet alchemy

The seasons are changing and my motivations and habits change as well. I am waking up earlier and going to sleep earlier and feeling that nostalgic closeness of Autumn.

This week I ordered some new materials and worked on two larger pieces (the paintings are pictured above). I also posted my Tuesday Studio Video Visit which proved to be a bit more popular than usual with folks. I appreciated the comments and feedback. It always feels better when we can see ourselves in each other and be more connected. I am glad I am not alone in my thoughts. If you missed the video on Tuesday on Facebook, here it is below.


Besides these things I made some fudge (because you know, Autumn) and worked on an ambient music project. Stewart Bremner and I are calling ourselves Dérive and we have made a wee 4 song EP called Living Among Filaments. It was good to collaborate and enjoy some creative time away from painting. You can hear it here. We hope you will enjoy it. Until next week, keep fighting.

Contemplation

I am cleaning up my thoughts and stories that surround my art, process, and why I make art in the first place. How did I get here?

I feel this is some dark and murky territory and I feel deeply challenged as I wade in. This is an emotional landscape. I feel a bit lost, floating around the edges of things unable to put words to where I am in my head regarding my art. I feel like I am hovering above the meaning of it all and my feet are nowhere near touching.

This is not a bad thing, it's just uncomfortable and that is a good thing. I am challenged and I don't have any answers. So with this knowledge, I move forward.

Ideas about value and worth swirl around my head, mirroring my self-esteem. I have underpriced my work. I have undervalued my work. I have undervalued myself, my time, and my skills. At the same time, I have shied away from the true risk in my work. I have only scratched the surface because of fear. I have been lazy and played it safe. I dance on the outside of my real work in order to keep the peace, in order to fulfill a void, in order to fulfill a need. Not always but often. There are bodies and pieces of my work that go deeper. I remember them as if they were a dream, and I am always trying to get back to that secret door.

I like dirty work, torn work, imperfect work, energetic work and dark work. I always have but I don't allow myself to make this work too often. I hold back, I censor, I repeat and stay safe.

The awkward beauty of what comes next

I've been in a mood, aka a dark place. It's only this morning after cutting my fringe/bangs, putting on too much lipstick for working at home & the studio and drinking two cups of mint green tea, meditating, taking a mint scented shower and taking an "art selfie" while listening to one of my favourite/favorite old Siouxie and the Banshee's albums on headphones at full blast that I thought perhaps I could write my blog and feel a little better.

Whew... so your perpetual art cheerleader has dark days and weeks too, but you knew that. Truly with the world on fire and drowning at the same time, threats of nuclear war, and with 45 at the helm in America and May here in the UK, it's no wonder. Who isn't bummed out right now?

Regardless, I got to the studio and I worked through it and each time I did, I felt better. I worked on two "accidental" portraits for a commission. I also worked on two large 80x80cm/31x31" canvases, and I sold two more brooches and added three new ones to my wearable art collection. I have listed them in my Etsy shop. I even tended to some gallery business and social media programming. I also tried out 2 new recipes (not art related I know, but cooking is just another way I express my creativity). I also showed up for my Tuesday Studio Video Visit Video, a bit late but I made it. If you missed it on Facebook, you can see it here.



See this is why I keep a blog, when I read all of that, I feel much better and I know I haven't completely given up. I may have cried while doing the above-listed things and spent too much time zoning out in front of my computer while feeling too incapacitated to reach out to friends and family but damn if I wasn't productive.

As I was writing this, I received notification that my very first Distillation Series print, "The awkward beauty of what comes next" (pictured below) has sold from my Etsy shop and will be headed to The States! That's wonderful news! I was so excited about that series and those prints and felt a bit bummed out that they fell flat after their launch. Everything works in its own time. Thanks as always, patrons!

My old go to phrase on this blog was often, "Everyday we paint is a victory" in recent times this has often been replaced with "Keep fighting" and to me they mean pretty much the same thing. Keep working, keep showing up, on the good days, the bad days, and every plain old day in between. Sometimes you will be okay and pleased and sometimes you won't and that's okay too.

We are all in this together. The world needs you, your art, and your vision. Let's keep fighting. To those in the path of Irma, please stay safe. x

The risk that brought me here

Pettiwick Bay, St. Abbs.

Adventures are good for the soul. For the past two weeks, our friend James has taken us in his car (we don't have one and I haven't gotten my UK license yet) to places I have never seen. Last week we went to the lovely village of Culross in Fife. This week, we walked high on cliffs above the North Sea at St. Abbs. 

I sat above the sea on the mossy ground and breathed in the air and listened to the wavelets on the shore below. I imagined all the people before me who had seen the view and all the people who would see it in the future. This place isn't going anywhere, but I am just passing through. I thought about the power of the land to soothe, inspire and intrigue.

After our Scottish seaside adventure, we crossed the border to England and wandered the town of Berwick upon Tweed. We walked around looking at their ramparts, bridges, and buildings. And then just like that (thanks to James' driving), we were home for dinner. 

I never thought I would see any of this. I certainly never thought I would live here and be able to walk these cliffs or get to know this land. It's a risk that brought me here and risks can feel scary and unsure. Just like making art. 

This week I have been working on a possible commission and I am a little out of my comfort zone but at the same time excited and challenged. Here's my Tuesday Studio Visit Video with more on that. 

I don't have any photos of the possible commission that I can share, as it is a possible gift. That is if I can materialize it to my satistfaction. It's all good and secretive on my end and may not even happen, but it's giving me plenty to think about and work on, and that is a gift to me. 

It's the first of September, there is rain on the cobbles and a coolness to the air. I think I am going to grab another cup of tea and head to the studio for another adventure in risk. 

Take care out there. Until next week, keep fighting.