I tally, check off, and list.

I often don't think I work hard enough. I tally, check off, and list.

My monkey mind rages even with daily yoga and meditation. Am I working? Yes. Am I working hard enough? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Are you working when the work doesn't earn money? Yes, sometimes I am in action and I think action counts as work. Money is separate. Was I ever expected to make money at this? Yes and no.

Do I earn my keep? Yes. Do I earn my place in society? Yes. Do I have to cook and clean to earn my place? No. Do I have to put on lipstick to earn my place? No. Do I have to wait in line? I have been waiting politely for what seems like forever so maybe that is on me. Do I have to wait for permission? I do this too often. Do I have to follow the rules? I hope not but I do. Do I have to censor myself? No, but I do. Do I have to watch as man after man and after man's paintings get featured on abstract painting pages? Seems like it.

With the perfect storm raging in the background of my life I took to the beach for some space.



It's on me to make this work. It's on me to make peace with my calling. I take responsibility for my choices and I am not giving up. I am going to raise my voice a little louder and show up a little bolder for myself. Let's see what happens...

Until next week, I am grateful for you and your work. I see you.
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