Wild and complicated

This week in the studio was a challenge, however, I did stick to my schedule and in fact, I put in just a little extra time in the studio on Wednesday as well. So I have managed to go to my studio at least twice a week for the past three. I am just trying to get back into the habits of showing up, being in the space, and sharing the space with my studio mate who has been there since May. I wasn't expecting any hard or serious work but then a flood of portraits came forward. I got excited, and suddenly I was expecting things of myself, my work and my time in the studio. That is a pressure that I just don't need and especially when I am trying to build habits with compassion for myself and the process. I don't want to be a machine anymore or approach this time with harsh rules, but unfortunately, it is so easy to let that part of my brain take over.

Anyway- this is a long way of saying - there were really no "good" portraits this week - maybe one or two - but definitely not six. You can see and hear my frustration during the Tuesday Studio Video Visit this week.

 

One from this week that might work

A lovely patron gifted me with a collection of canvases this week, and so with feeling the frustration of the faces not materialising, I decided to get out one of the largest canvases, a linen 80x100cm and have a go at painting a good old abstract painting.

A fevered energy took over and I bashed out a muted abstract in greys, blacks, and ochres. I messaged a dear painter friend, "is this a painting?" I decided it was (for now) and it certainly captured the atmosphere of the day.

Soon after I stopped painting, I heard the Queen was gravely ill. I packed up my stuff as I strangely felt the urge to get myself home.

I listened to the news during the rainy bus ride and turned on the BBC once through the door. I respectfully sat up on the sofa when they confirmed the news of her death. What a long and full life.

In my UK citizenship ceremony two years ago this month, I made an affirmation - a solemn, and sincere oath to be faithful and allegiant to her Majesty, her Heirs and Successors. Every immigrant who becomes a citizen in this country has gone through this ritual. And all of those naturally born in this country are born subjects. 

Life is filled with such wild and complicated moments.

A vintage postcard I was given while on my citizenship path.
Stapled to the back of the studio closet door.