Friday, May 31, 2013

Two steps back...

I'll be honest, this week hasn't been easy. I have been filled with resistance towards going to my studio, starting new work, refocusing my energy and just getting to work. I know this is part of the process and I am no stranger to this behavior in myself but at the same time it is a bit frustrating. I am trying not to judge myself too harshly. I did spend all day there on Tuesday so that was a small victory.

It feels like things are speeding up all of the sudden. Tomorrow will be the first of June already. I have already been here two and a half months! I have so much I want to do and see. I want do it all but as I realize the time constraints, I stall. The pressure of a deadline is a good thing, it helped me create the first ten pieces in the series sooner than I probably would have, but also knowing that on September 12th I will be returning to Arkansas makes me freeze in my tracks. I remember thinking 6 months seemed like such a long time to just pick up and leave my life, my house, my things, my cat.

This time here is such a gift. I get to try on a city for a while, try on new habits, new friendships, basically a new life. I don't have a phone, a car or a clothes dryer. I have about a drawers worth of clothes and few possessions to call my own and I like this. I have been given permission to live this life for 6 months, make art and tell the world about my experience. It is such a rare treat. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by what a gift this is and so unbelievably happy that this is currently my life. Sometimes, I am just sad to know that it will end in September. This is a one off experience and because of this it is so important for me to stay in the now and enjoy each moment.

Everything has been up in the air for so long. Living outside of my comfort zone is essential but sometimes it is just unnerving in vague way.

Next week, I will begin again. I will have my supplies that I need and I will get back to work. Until then, I will sketch out an outline of what I still want from my time here. The basics I know: I will make more art, I will show more art, I will walk, I will do yoga, I will research and I will see art and visit new places. I will visit with friends and hang out in pubs. I will write and take photographs. I have plenty of time to do everything I want to do and it is okay if some days don't go according to plan. All of this is just a reminder that life is messy...


  1. You describe a complex emotional state very well. Enjoy living within a transition. Arkansas misses you, though ;)