Friday, September 9, 2016

To the great beyond

I need to complete a painting. I can feel the frustration coming to the surface of my skin. The ache at my fingertips that can only mean one thing, the work is not coming along the way I want it to. I am trying to be okay with it and focus on the other aspects of my art. 

The frustrated side of me rattles away, I just want to complete something and the other aspects can be damned! Screw all the affirmations and all the "business" lessons. Anything that takes me away from my purpose, anything that clouds the frequency can be damned too! But then I snap out of it. 

I go to the studio and tidy the paint covered papers from the floor (well, I push them to the side to make a nest of sorts and then step over them). I clear my tabletop and put a fresh sheet of paper down to create the appearance of a clean surface. I set all the studio lights to point at the table, to illuminate this stage I have set for myself. 

I pull out the small canvases that I started a few months back, was it really months? Perhaps weeks, let's hope it's just weeks. The layered magenta and yellow covered canvases are not that bad and are not even that far from completion. If I could just complete one thing... I need and want that momentum. I think to myself, what if I could finish them all off today? Wouldn't that be grand? I close my eyes and breathe deeply, attempt meditation over the pieces, trying my damnedest to focus. 

I set an intention for my art and life (basically at this point I seem to do anything but apply paint to the canvas). Moments later I find myself painting a sign to the great beyond in black paint. I tape it to the door and decide it is finally time to start work. And I did, I even finished something.

Everyday we paint is a victory. Even one stroke, even 5 minutes, even a whole day of painting pure shite. It might be frustrating and filled with weirdness and procrastination maneuvers but we are still victorious. Remember this. 

Yesterday, the victory was mine.

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