Friday, April 10, 2015

The other side of six months

Here we are on the other side. I have never stayed here this long. I would have been on a plane on March 26th and back in Arkansas if I didn’t have my visa. It feels like an important threshold to cross. Everything that happens now is new in a way. I visited Edinburgh for 4 months in 2012 and six months in 2013 and now I live here and I am passed the six month mark.

I have now witnessed every month and season in Edinburgh. In 2012 I was here from mid January to the start of May, in 2013 I was here from mid March to the start of September. This time I arrived at the end of September and I witnessed October, November and December and I made it. The dark months conquered, perhaps with the help of too much beer and cake but conquered none the less. Holidays were also observed, my first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and Easter. This marks the second time I have celebrated my birthday here and this time with friends! There have been ocassions marked with my Scottish family and my Scottish friends over these past months, even a beautiful wedding was attended.

I witnessed the clocks change and the first days of Spring.

The art studio is not temporary this time and it has started to feel more like home in the days on the other side. This feels like the first studio I can count on since the old studio on the sqaure in Fayetteville. This space has a sink and is only a four minute walk from the flat in a beautiful old building. I feel so fortunate.

There are paint splatters on the wall and drips on the floor and there is plenty of space to move and work. I’ve got big headphones again and I am remembering to dance when I paint. The canvases are getting big and people say the work is getting bold. I say it is returning to bold, just like me. There is color, gesture and movement. I think I am making some of the most painterly work I have made in probably almost five years. I feel like a painter again. Not a catch all artist but a painter. There is a rembering and a returning to self in the process of making this new work. There are thirteen large works in the series currently, most in various states of progress but at least five are finished. To be able to make work like this again makes my heart sing. I am free again.

Stewart and I are also on the other side of six months of marriage and learning how to be together in this space without a leaving date looming over us. Just like my paintings, it’s a work in progress and I hope it will always be. As I get more comfortable with this new life we get more comfortable together and the dynamic ebs and flows. We are two artists supporting each other, taking turns, fighting, crying, loving and moving ever forward, growing together as we create what we are on the planet to make.

As I write this, Theo, our cat sits in his favorite cardboard box looking out one of the windows lovingly cut for him by Stewart. He is the most beautiful creature, he has not yet crossed this threshold with us but he certainly has helped me get here. His soft fur, wide eyes, loud purr and spirit have been a wonderful addition to our lives. He too is feeling more and more comfortable as he learns to trust and relax into his new surroundings. This is not going anywhere, Theo. This is your house. We are your people. This is your life and you get to have all of this.

This is not going anywhere, Megan. This is your house. These are your people. This is your life and you get to have all of this, on the other side of six months…