Art is so strange when you really think about it. As you know, I will always question my reasons for being an artist. I will always wonder if I am an artist for the right reasons. I will always question the work I create. I will always approach my work with trepidation and wonder. I will always feel some guilt and sadness for not choosing an easier more stable path, and at the same time I will feel guilt and sadness for choosing such an easy path. I will always wonder what people are talking about, when after I tell them I am an artist, they say "that must be so much fun." I will always hope I stay relatively healthy since I don't have health insurance. I will sometimes feel like a child because of the typical adult trappings I lack. I will always feel a little sad when I get compliments that I can't live up to, but mostly I will feel flattered. I will then wonder if I suffer from false modesty.
When I was a child in elementary school, I loved "show and tell." I couldn't wait for it to be my turn, so I could sing "I'm in the mood for love" that I had just learned from watching an episode of the Little Rascals. I couldn't wait to tell stories about the raccoons that would creep in my window at night and curl up on my bed to sleep. I even fantasized about show and tell. I had very long hair when I was young, and I dreamt that I would arrive at school wearing a hat and my teacher would call me to the front of the room for that days sharing, and I would simply remove my hat and all my long hair would be gone! That never happened.
I sung "Fame... I wanna live forever" at the top of my lungs in the 5th grade talent show- and I meant every word. So, this sharing, showing and telling has always been a part of my life, and I have always wanted to be a little famous, and I have always wanted to live forever... So, that is why I am here. I don't have a choice.
I wanted to be a dancer, then a singer, then an actress, and now an artist (I was always an artist) but that has been the progression. Some days I wanted to be a comedian or a DJ. I think being an artist is the safest choice, and it seems to fit my personality the best.
This choice makes even more sense to me now. I feel a type of connection to all the other artists in the world, more of a connection to their sensibilities than to anything else. I love the books they read, the music they listen to, their ideas about the world, and the way they maneuver through it. They are all searching, connecting, being too honest and vulnerable. Some of them steal ideas and images from each other, personalities even. It is fascinating to watch. I am glad to be a part of this. Very human and real. There are a lot of lovely people out there, these artists. I am struck by the fact that they are all hustlers. They are working so hard. We are all working so hard, for each others affection, attention, money, praise, and hopefully sometimes for ourselves.
This week, as I was busy working in my studio, I had a sudden urge to paint something different, rather than my usual shapes and colors. One of the images from my 1999 book series came to mind, The Glowing Horse. Suddenly, I wished I could cover the two large canvases before me with blue - the perfect blue of my dreams. I wished I could draw the outline of the horse of my past in white chalk. Why did the glowing horse decide to show up then, and what was he trying to tell me?
I just kept working on the usual and I smiled at the thought.
I am so glad to be a part of this.
Now, for two exciting announcements: First, this post marks the one year anniversary of the Studio Blog! Thanks so much for reading and cheering me on! Second, It is time for the paper painting/print give away! This month I will be giving away a 8x10 glossy print of The Glowing Horse to one lucky reader that leaves a comment on today's blog. I will mail to anywhere in the world. I will randomly draw a number to correspond with the comments in the order they are received. Leave your comment between now and Tuesday at midnight. I'll post the winners name in my blog next Friday; please be sure to check back, so that I can contact you. I really appreciate everyone who reads and comments on my studio blog. Thanks again for your support and encouragement. It means the world to me. GOOD LUCK!