|of missteps and secrets|
12x12" mixed media on panel
© 2014 Megan Chapman
I must tell you that this is an experiment on multiple levels.
It's part of the rebuilding series. One of the ones that I didn't stain brown. I liked the way it peeled away from the face. I am curious about enough. What is enough to make art. Is "art anything we can get away with" really? This is an under painting and perhaps not done but if I give it a name and post it and share it, do people consider it finished? Yes, they do. But do I? I think so. I am experimenting with taste, minimalism and concept. I just like the textures and unbalance but it is void of feeling or is it?
It feels like my art brain has been dormant for so long. I am trying to reawaken it desperately. Yes, I want theory but I realize I must also work. So I have to make it interesting now or perhaps not interesting. I don't know what I am doing or why. So I must start over like a young student with no rules or limits with no needs but to make and enjoy the process. Moving, making and thinking about the process. Not for money but for love and in the process rediscover something more true again. I want to take risks, I want to scream, I want to break the rules. I have been good too long and played my cards too close.
All of this talk. I never do this anymore. I have to dream and talk shit and revise and reform and think big. They are just paintings... but they are so much more. If they were just paintings I wouldn't miss not doing the work I need to do. I have to go into this place inside that is a bit mystical to make the work I really need to make. This vulnerable, weird place like a character almost. It is me but it is everyone before me and it is that woman's heart over there but it is my heart and it is his voice over there but it is my voice...
I shut that all out. I shut it all down. I stopped receiving. It is a heady place when you tune in and hear all the stories that need telling, when you can get away with it and give in and do it and not judge or be judged and make them real. It makes my brain tingle and it makes me almost want to cry and it feels a little crazy but I know how it feels in the edges of my brain when I get in that creative space. I miss it so.