Meditations on Work...

shadow of myself in front of work in progress

Here is a journal entry from the past. Probably written about 2 or more years ago. I remember I took my composition book and favorite pen to the coffee shop and gave myself different topics and allowed 15minutes for a written purge on each subject. This one was on work. A subject that has always confused and troubled me.

WORK- it is what you are supposed to do. You go somewhere away from your home and you do something for 4-8 hours a day and you get paid every 2-4 weeks. Payday is good. Sometimes you don't always like it and sometimes you work with people you don't like. You go to meetings and trainings and you do the best job you can while you are there or at least in the beginning. Eventually, you relax a little and allow yourself to take some short cuts. Some days it is hard to sit still at the job and the idea of going to your job may even bring tears to your eyes and when you are in that workspace you can feel the walls closing in on you and you are like a fish out of water. The Clash lyric floats into your head "Who gives you work, why should you do it..." You think of all the skills you have that you aren't using because you never choose a job that would really challenge you. You think there must be a better way.

Then perhaps you think about your art. You can paint and you know it, but can it be work, can it pay the rent? Are you disciplined enough? A lot of pressure will be added to the process of creating if you are going to try and make money at this. Can you be sure that as an "artist" you are not just another unemployed person hiding from the world that makes you so uncomfortable?

Who do you think you are?