Go big or go home

How many times have I tried to make myself small? How many times have I tried to fit in? How many times have I tried to be agreeable? How many times did I try not to rock the boat? How many times did I not play my hand? How many times did I stifle myself out of fear?

Too many times, enough of that. Today's motto is "go big or go home."

Paint big, dream big, live big, and take up space. Take up space and make it beautiful. Take up space and make it bolder. Take up space with pure nothingness. Take up space with the edge of a charcoal smudge. Let the white envelope you and the blackness tell the secrets locked in your heart.

Let the paintings pour right on out. What is enough? You are. Your work is. That black brush stroke, that swath of white, it's enough.

Until next week, keep fighting.

Back to work : for the tooth and the ease

Sold

I was happily back in the studio on Tuesday and I decided to work on paper. I am always drawn to paper for the tooth and the ease. There is something approachable about paper, it's not too precious yet it's surface offers many rewards. I set myself some modest goals, mostly just to return to my space regularly and to my routine. This wasn't about pressure or stress. Thanks to my low-key intentions, work dripped from my fingers each day. I sold the first piece to a new collector in America the day I painted it. What a joy! The sale helped to spur me on and filled me with hope for the new year. Thank you, lovely patron!

After completing three of these larger works, I sadly realized I was now out of the paper I was enjoying (must get more this weekend). However, necessity is the mother of invention (of course). After a bit of a studio rummage, I realized I had a lovely stack of small brown paper sacks in the cupboard and with that, The Sack Studies were born! I really enjoyed painting on the brown paper as it complimented my current minimal palette. I also like the jagged edges at the opening of the sacks. The words Tell Me Why Not came to mind and I decided to go for it. These are some of my favorite paper pieces to date. Below you can see all six and a few of my favorites up close.

Sold

The work feels good and I am having fun just going with the flow. I am feeling productive as I expand my work. I am also trying to be a bit more intentional and organized, taking note of what I am doing here and there and sharing my progress along the way. As I expand my work I also hope to expand my art community. My goal is to comment and share more of my fellow artist's work and have more meaningful interactions. If you are looking for community, you are welcome in the one I am building or perhaps I can join yours. Artists have to stick together and encourage one another, now more than ever. Until next week, know that you are not alone and the world needs your art. Please keep fighting and bringing your unique voice and eye to the table. Every day we paint is a victory. 

From two worlds

I am now sitting on our sofa in our flat in Leith. We got back home yesterday. We left Arkansas Wednesday morning and it still seems like Wednesday to me somehow. I remember walking out into the mist out back at my parent's house, looking for their dog Milo and finding him with a salvaged deer leg. He was so proud of his treasure as the misty air enveloped me. I breathed in deeply knowing I would be saying goodbye to my parents within the hour and that I would be in the caged air for the rest of the day and night.

I drove the old highway 71 one more time and then the back roads to the airport sadly, nervously, chatting away. Once we were at the airport, it was game on. All I was required to do was to go with the flow, follow the rules and move through the lines and sky to our destination. There is something comforting about the system. Periodically a few tears escaped simply from the thought of going so far away again and from sheer exhaustion.

It was good to arrive yesterday morning in Edinburgh Airport and grab the Chai latte that has become my favourite and to get on the tram, the bus, and finally to the flat and to bed for a nap, and then later to the local pub. It was good to see familiar faces and remember the familiar ways of doing.

It really is like time travel. These two worlds are always going on, I could still be walking through the mist on the hill in Winslow right now. Part of me surely is and of course, part of me has a lot of plans this year here in the now of Edinburgh. What will this new year bring? I have a few ideas...

For right now though, jet lag still rides beside me and I am amazed I have stayed up past 10 pm as I write this. Before I left Winslow, I did film the Studio Video Visit and it seemed to touch a nerve with folks. Thanks for all the kind comments and shares and private messages. I am glad to know so many folks that care and understand. If you missed it over on my Facebook art page, you can see it again here.


Until next week (and yes, there will be painting again!) - keep fighting, love your people, and dream big. I will if you will!

My city was gone

I am in the library listening to the Brambles' album Charcoal, trying to find a bit of peace again. The sun is out and things are warming up. I have had a lovely early morning goodbye chat with Barbara, a coffee chat with my friend Sarah, and another dear Sarah is on her way for lunch. Later, there will be more driving, this time up to Springdale to see another sweet friend but for now, I am here in the library with my headphones on trying to put some order into my day and words to my thoughts of this curious town.

Oh Fayetteville, you are a heartbreaker. I shed a tear or four for you this morning over a massive artisanal chai latte. It's always been hard to criticize you and your strange ways but it can be done among the ones that carry your embers.

I am still a guest in your sprawling, glass-faced condo so I will mind my manners. I will always love and work for you and I will always represent you. It is the heart of your streets that raised me and I am grateful.

I will speak for the broken beer bottles on the railroad tracks that made a romantic and slightly dangerous route through town, I will speak for the old art deco bridges (kudos on the refurb), I will speak for the overgrown vines that wrap around power poles in the summer, I will speak for the fullness of the chorus of the bugs and birds. I will speak for the abandoned graves almost lost in the tall grasses back in the woods.

The alleys and small streets cross my heart and memories, like the pie at the old Red Bird Cafe, after summer art classes at the guild with my mother. I will speak for the punk scene of the mid to late 1980's to the very early 90's and all the brilliant and important music I was able to see in this little town. In this town, I was surrounded by creative and passionate people, many who never lived to see this current version of Fayetteville.

I don't live in the past and I am not out of touch. I understand that things change and that they often should.

Many of my old houses are gone, as are many of my old friends - the working class also appears gone or hidden. Gentrification takes hold as old homes are demolished, green spaces are cleared and newbuilds proliferate. The University now grows like wild kudzu in a ditch.

I speak for the blue sky, the sunset, and the old leaning tree on the sledding side of Wilson Park and of course the wee castle there. I speak for the old view out west from the cross at Mt. Sequoyah and the legend of ghost hollow.

I do have hope for the artists creating new and exciting works and for the old school folks that have stayed behind so that they can preserve some parts of the heart of the town. It's not your job, but I know the ones who work tirelessly for the good and I am thankful for you.

As I drove away from town tonight, I cried. I cried for every student apartment dwelling that obscured the view of the hills or the sunset. It seemed as if a new fortress rose up at every turn like a barricade.

Tears burned down my cheeks as I drove away and back into the old hills of Winslow as I wondered who stole the soul and why were they allowed to?

Passing through in stillness

I am writing this studio blog on a Saturday morning since I am on holiday in Arkansas and the days have gotten away from me. I will backdate it for yesterday for consistency. I am sitting in the extraordinary Fayetteville Public library in the locally owned Arsaga's cafe located in the foyer.

I am listening to Brambles and their album Charcoal on my headphones. I have a soy chai latte by my side. I have just said goodbye to my brother Sean and his family after enjoying a lovely vegan breakfast scramble at a new place (new to me - there are so many places here in my old hometown that are new places to me). Stewart is upstairs in the library reading comics.

I am alone and everything is empty and quiet around me and there is a large Christmas tree made out of books surrounded by red poinsettias. I have sat at this table with my computer before when I lived here but I don't live here now. I am a visitor. I have dreamed of being a visitor from this seat when I lived here before. It is a grey overcast day, and the skeleton trees reach out into the mist and a lone pine stands tall and comes into view. A few people trickle into the library.

This is a studio art blog but I am not writing about art. This week, I am using my studio blog to find peace and a moment of reflection. This is not my standard place or view but I know it well. This library is my sanctuary and a place of pause and rest. I am exhausted and on the brink of tears but here in this library I feel space and hope. This has always been a safe space for me,  with all the amenities one could need. I am grateful.

I am grateful to be able to sit here alone, safe and warm surrounded by books, music, film, art. This beautiful space filled with dreams and aspirations, a place that offers more of a level playing field than we often find in American society. Libraries are key to a civilized society.

I return to myself. I sink into the orange chair, my fingers find the soft flat keys of my computer as the spices of my Chai feel peppery in my throat.

Just as I relax for a moment, I realize this is usually when I post my annual year-end wrap-up. As, a kindness to myself, I vow to write that post another day, perhaps next week. A friend and collector stop by my cafe table, radiant with her beautiful new baby, we share a moment of smiles and chat. This is a lovely town, it is a different town than I grew up in now, but still full of good hearts and sharp minds.

I think about other ways I can write about art or culture or this town, but again as a courtesy to myself, I am just going to write about this experience of sitting here as it unfolds.

The music ebbs and flows, the atmospheric dark string and piano arrangements punctuate the scene as more people enter the cafe and the town continues to wake up and make their Saturday plans. I am just passing through, in stillness.

******* art moment *******
If you missed it on my Facebook art page you can see my Tuesday Studio Video Visit again here. I visited the Chancellor Hotel and the Fenix exhibition here in Fayetteville which will be on display until January 9th.


Happy new year wishes for all. Thank you all for reading my blog, sharing and supporting my work. Until next week and next year, keep fighting! The world needs you and your work!

I am of the dirt, cedar, and pine.

Greetings from Arkansas! These next few blog posts might be a bit different from my usual Studio Blog. I hope you will enjoy them.

We arrived late Sunday night, all flights were smooth and on time. Like a vacation in the sky, I enjoyed the films on the first and longest flight, especially Brillo Box (3¢ OFF), the story of one family and their prized Andy Warhol Brillo Box. It's a story about the importance of growing up with art and how it moves through a family, their memories, and then into the greater art world.

On our first day here, we helped to take down Glow, Float, Drone, a sound and light exhibition by artist and dear friend, Craig Colorusso. It was so great to see his work again. It felt like the best way to signal that I was home. We really enjoyed swinging as the drone sounds played against the grey sky as we propelled ourselves higher. I was returned to childhood in an instant.

Later we came out to my parent's place in Winslow, Arkansas population 300. It's a beautiful rural spot on top of a hill that frequently wakes covered in fog. The skeleton trees of winter show that we are surrounded by various ridges and valleys. It feels good to have all this space and fresh air. There have been highway walks, rambles around the land and gathering of seed pods, lichen-covered sticks, ivy and tall grasses. Many photos have been taken.

The Tuesday Studio Video Visit was filmed at my parent's house this week. I did a partial tour of their art collection. They have art in every room of the house and always have as long as I can remember. The art has shaped and inspired my life. If you missed it on my Facebook art page you can see it again here.


And that's all I have for you this week. The tree is up and decorated with decades of family-made treasures, the rest of the family is headed our way soon and after a warm week, there is a dusting of snow on the ground. Time for a cup of tea and a wander.

I am of the dirt, cedar, and pine. I am of the wild wind of Arkansas.

Until next week, Happy holidays to you and yours. Keep fighting, making, doing, and seeing. The world needs you and your art.

Shift

This week was better than last and it was a relief. I was able to paint two pieces that I was pleased with and that seemed to connect with viewers.

This is always a good feeling. Suddenly I see possibility before me again and have a sense of freedom. The work I hold back is the work that is wanted. It is time for me release these things again. I know this release comes and goes in stages. These two pieces are the result of this shift.

Gestural and strong, guttural and decisive, that is what the future holds. It was good to come back from being so stuck and frustrated and have these be the last two paintings of the year. I talk about the shift in this week's Tuesday Studio Video Visit. If you missed it on Facebook, here it is again.


Don't forget it you are in and around Edinburgh, I currently have two paintings at The &Gallery at 17 Dundas Street. The group exhibition, Connection is on until December 23rd, so please don't miss it! I also have paintings at the Velvet Easel Gallery in Portobello until February 25th as part of the Winters Edge exhibition. Back stateside, I have pieces on show in the Fenix Group Exhibition at the Chancellor Hotel in Fayetteville, Arkansas until January 9th.

Speaking of Fayetteville, I will be heading back to my hometown this Sunday for several weeks to spend time with my family and friends for the holidays. I plan to keep up my Tuesday Studio Video Visits as well as my Studio blog with a hometown spin. I hope you will enjoy the change of scenery, I know I am looking forward to it!

Until next week, take care and keep fighting. The world needs you and your art.