Trying to make my way back

The puzzle says "seek magic every day." I do. 

Hello, lovely studio blog readers. 

I hope you are well. Today I am going to try to make my way back to you. If you have been following this blog for quite some time you will know that it is a fundamental element of my art practice and how I share information and my process with my patrons, fellow artists, and art lovers. I have a substantial gap in my posts currently. I don't like that so my one task today is to slowly fill in some of the gaps, starting with the most recent and working backwards. This break was necessary for a multitude of reasons but the longer the break, the harder it is to return. This has happened with my blog, my video visits, and all my regular postings on social media as well as the most important thing of all, creating the art. 

Not making art is a complex issue - if I don't make art, what do I have to say or share here on the studio blog, what do I have to make my Tuesday Studio Video Visits about? What do I have to share on my social media accounts? The answer is actually plenty. There are loads of paintings you probably haven't seen or you have forgotten about. I could write more in-depth about them or make more videos about those pieces and the process involved in making them. 

However, social media and internalised capitalism are a sick mix - we have this urgency to stay current, fresh, relevant, and to churn out shite just to have something to post and share. I don't know about you, but I didn't "get into" art to become a machine. Paintings take time, bodies of work and the exploration of themes take time to flesh out - not everything is made for the "wham, bam, click, heart, scroll" world of today. 

However, I also know that as someone who has called myself an artist for half of my life on this planet, I need to do the work. I have been compelled and called to do the work and then that calling went a bit quiet and now I am going to have to coax it back out onto the playing field. 

This is going to require faith, optimism, hard work, and time in the studio. It is going to require finding something inside myself that became fearful, sad, uneasy or more honestly, pissed off. I will need to work to steady all of this to create again. 

So, here I go - filling one gap, writing one post, and expressing a few thoughts. Finding my way back. 

I hope you are well, happy, and inspired and if not, tomorrow is another day. Keep fighting and thank you for being here. 

Calling up the warriors...

The Man Who Fell to Earth. Starring David Bowie. 1976.
Meme from the internet. 

I woke up at 4 a.m. with ideas that needed writing down. I had big plans for this blog too, but then other things kept getting in the way. So here I am at the end of the day, finally sitting down to write and I know I won't share everything I am thinking. My thoughts are coming too fast and some of the things I think are no one's business but my own. 

Last week, I was calling forth creativity and the unborn art at our fingertips. Tonight, I am calling forth my warriors and you don't need to know exactly what that means. I alluded to the idea on last week's Tuesday Studio Video Visit. I am sitting in the middle of great change or desire to change as many of us are since the pandemic began - this requires new ways of thinking but more importantly doing. 

I want to do this differently. I want to think about this differently. This meaning, art, specifically my art. I know I have said this before in different guises but I mean it. Time is of the essence. I have to change my thinking about all of this. The way I think about it no longer serves me or anyone else. 

So, I will need to call forth my warriors and lists will be made, and I will remember opportunities that went before and connections forged over years and years, and the new ones here in Scotland as well. I will be vulnerable to some degree and I will be scared and I won't know what I am doing and it will be hard. I think that is how art and a life of growth might have to be. 

I have given myself so much grief over this calling. I have limited myself, my experience, and my art because I have been ashamed that this is my path. I am ashamed that this path leaves me vulnerable to living on a shaky foundation. I often feel like an alien in this world. A high functioning alien that needs a lot of time to just look out the window and notice all the beauty.

I don't want what you want. I don't want to live how you want to live. I don't need what you need. I don't value you what you value. I don't strive for what you strive for. I am not motivated by what you are motivated by. I am my own person and I have the right to live this way even when it is often misunderstood, judged, and questioned. 

you = societal values at large/the capitalist machine. 

I think you and I, dear reader, have a lot in common and share many values. The warriors (and thankfully there are many) who read my posts, follow me on social media, support me, and have collected my art over the decades can thankfully see, read, or hear something in the work that resonates. I am forever grateful. You will be hearing from me soon... 

Until next week, keep fighting. 

With love and gratitude, 

Megan

Detail of the first drawing of the year 2022

 

And if you missed the latest Tuesday Studio Video Visit, here it is. Notice the better lighting! That's thanks to you warriors. ❤