Thanks for checking out the Friday Studio Blog. I hope you are doing well. I am sitting out in the sun while I write this. Thanks again to everyone who came out to support the artists of the Out of the Blue Drill Hall last week for our exhibition, Outside + In. The show came down last Saturday at 5pm. It was good to spend so much time in the hall for that week - it was like pushing a pause button on my grief. Art has always protected me in that way.
This week I found myself plunged back into the trenches and didn't feel my best but I still managed to do a few art-related things. First, I did go to the studio on Tuesday and I decided to patch the holes and repaint my painting wall. I also looked at my paint supplies and just handled a few things in the space. I also managed to record my Tuesday Studio Video Visit! I haven't recorded one in a long time, so that was a relief to do and to do it from the studio.
Here it is if you missed it on social media.
I have to admit I didn't feel my best in the space at the time. That space sometimes feels like it is filled with the old ghosts of my hopes and dreams and a heavy dose of punishment. Sometimes it feels like I must go to that room to prove I am working. I must go to that room and prove I am busy and deserving of the space. I must go to that room to make myself scarce. I must go there to be contained. To be my wild self but enclosed in a windowless space where I won't bother anyone. I must go to that room to prove my dedication, worth, and my value. I must earn love and appreciation in that room.
Heavy wee room, eh? Aye. Fuck that noise.
So I have to exorcise it and that's what I just did. I just smudged it with the truth. Feelings come and go and feelings shared, lose their power. I am exorcising a lot. Some of you will be here for it and others might need to bail out. That's cool.
On that same Tuesday, I also saw a fleeting exhibition by another studio mate (Ian Gonczarow). I haven't yet met him but now I have seen his work in the hall and that is a good thing - hopefully, I will meet him soon. More community the better. More art in the building, the better too. I had a good chat with an art worker in the building and my studio mate and then went to hers for lunch and I enjoyed a sunny walk home.
Wednesday (4 weeks of missing Theo) was heavy and I did hard things. Thursday, I ran errands and rewarded myself for the hard things I accomplished and was gifted with a bit of anxiety for my efforts. Yoga and meditation were required as was a book in the sun that evening. Today in the sun as I write this, I love feeling warm, surrounded by flowers, and being outside and free. I love the transportive quality of the music I am listening to - it takes me everywhere.
In other news, I got another copy of The Artists Way and decided it was time to surrender to that process again. If you know, you know... I'm doing my morning pages and the artist's dates will follow. I got myself an A2 drawing board - it will be here soon.
"The position of the artist is humble. He (She) is essentially a channel." - Piet Mondrian
That's all I have for you this week on the Friday Studio Blog. If you missed a few posts, please go back and check them out. Thanks so much for your support!
This week in the studio was a challenge, however, I did stick to my schedule and in fact, I put in just a little extra time in the studio on Wednesday as well. So I have managed to go to my studio at least twice a week for the past three. I am just trying to get back into the habits of showing up, being in the space, and sharing the space with my studio mate who has been there since May. I wasn't expecting any hard or serious work but then a flood of portraits came forward. I got excited, and suddenly I was expecting things of myself, my work and my time in the studio. That is a pressure that I just don't need and especially when I am trying to build habits with compassion for myself and the process. I don't want to be a machine anymore or approach this time with harsh rules, but unfortunately, it is so easy to let that part of my brain take over.
Anyway- this is a long way of saying - there were really no "good" portraits this week - maybe one or two - but definitely not six. You can see and hear my frustration during the Tuesday Studio Video Visit this week.
One from this week that might work
A lovely patron gifted me with a collection of canvases this week, and so with feeling the frustration of the faces not materialising, I decided to get out one of the largest canvases, a linen 80x100cm and have a go at painting a good old abstract painting.
A fevered energy took over and I bashed out a muted abstract in greys, blacks, and ochres. I messaged a dear painter friend, "is this a painting?" I decided it was (for now) and it certainly captured the atmosphere of the day.
Soon after I stopped painting, I heard the Queen was gravely ill. I packed up my stuff as I strangely felt the urge to get myself home. I listened to the news during the rainy bus ride and turned on the BBC once through the door. I respectfully sat up on the sofa when they confirmed the news of her death. What a long and full life.
In my UK citizenship ceremony two years ago this month, I made an affirmation - a solemn, and sincere oath to be faithful and allegiant to her Majesty, her Heirs and Successors. Every immigrant who becomes a citizen in this country has gone through this ritual. And all of those naturally born in this country are born subjects.
Life is filled with such wild and complicated moments.
A vintage postcard I was given while on my citizenship path. Stapled to the back of the studio closet door.
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