Wild and complicated

This week in the studio was a challenge, however, I did stick to my schedule and in fact, I put in just a little extra time in the studio on Wednesday as well. So I have managed to go to my studio at least twice a week for the past three. I am just trying to get back into the habits of showing up, being in the space, and sharing the space with my studio mate who has been there since May. I wasn't expecting any hard or serious work but then a flood of portraits came forward. I got excited, and suddenly I was expecting things of myself, my work and my time in the studio. That is a pressure that I just don't need and especially when I am trying to build habits with compassion for myself and the process. I don't want to be a machine anymore or approach this time with harsh rules, but unfortunately, it is so easy to let that part of my brain take over.

Anyway- this is a long way of saying - there were really no "good" portraits this week - maybe one or two - but definitely not six. You can see and hear my frustration during the Tuesday Studio Video Visit this week.

 

One from this week that might work

A lovely patron gifted me with a collection of canvases this week, and so with feeling the frustration of the faces not materialising, I decided to get out one of the largest canvases, a linen 80x100cm and have a go at painting a good old abstract painting.

A fevered energy took over and I bashed out a muted abstract in greys, blacks, and ochres. I messaged a dear painter friend, "is this a painting?" I decided it was (for now) and it certainly captured the atmosphere of the day.

Soon after I stopped painting, I heard the Queen was gravely ill. I packed up my stuff as I strangely felt the urge to get myself home.

I listened to the news during the rainy bus ride and turned on the BBC once through the door. I respectfully sat up on the sofa when they confirmed the news of her death. What a long and full life.

In my UK citizenship ceremony two years ago this month, I made an affirmation - a solemn, and sincere oath to be faithful and allegiant to her Majesty, her Heirs and Successors. Every immigrant who becomes a citizen in this country has gone through this ritual. And all of those naturally born in this country are born subjects. 

Life is filled with such wild and complicated moments.

A vintage postcard I was given while on my citizenship path.
Stapled to the back of the studio closet door.

Something real and true, aged and worn

It is week two of my artist's residency. I am sitting outside the studio door listening to music and the sounds of the traffic on the road just outside the gate as I type this. This week went by so fast. I painted Monday, laying the grounds/underpaintings for two new 16x20"/41x51cm pieces. I hadn't painted on that sized canvas in a while and I really enjoyed it. On Tuesday, I finished those two pieces off and filmed my Tuesday Studio Video Visit. If you missed it, here it is again. I show you the progress of the space and the series of works.



I took a few phone shots of my work and space as well. Here are the two pieces I completed this week. I am especially pleased with the first piece. You can see the whole dark series as it is progressing here.

On Wednesday, I spent time in the studio, writing rather than painting, just getting some of my ideas clear. I enjoyed spending time in the space, getting used to the light, the birds, butterflies, and outside sounds. A change in scenery and routine are so beneficial. Yesterday, I stayed at home, waiting for deliveries. And today, I was back in the studio, with my massive roll of canvas that had arrived. Who knows what will happen with it. I need to set up a large smooth painting wall before I can really go big. I always paint on pre-stretched canvas as well, so this will present a fun challenge. I am just looking to experiment and explore and that is a relief. To simply work for the sake of it, to be excited and inspired is a gift, as is this space.

I took this photo of the canvas roll in my studio today - I love it. I love the feeling the photo evokes. The old walls, the sculptural roll of canvas, the possibilities. What a thrill.

I cut off a good-sized piece and stapled it to a low long part of the wall and started a large painting today. Another ground/underpainting. Something for me to react against in my next session. I will probably use some of this canvas for my scroll series as well, it's slightly odd canvas but like everything else, I like it's slightly strange qualities. It fits the space, the time and my attitude of exploration and openness.

There is something about this place tucked away behind the gate - the old stables are filled with nothing but possibility. I can make something here, something rough and dirty - something real and true, aged and worn. My heart is wrapped in the dust of the past. I imagined this type of place when I was a teenager while sitting and smoking under the old railroad bridge back home. With music in my ears, old beer cans at my feet, surrounded by graffiti, I watched for the slow-moving freight trains. It was poetic, nostalgic, and a dream of my own creation with every new song. I am grateful to be here again.