Wild and complicated

This week in the studio was a challenge, however, I did stick to my schedule and in fact, I put in just a little extra time in the studio on Wednesday as well. So I have managed to go to my studio at least twice a week for the past three. I am just trying to get back into the habits of showing up, being in the space, and sharing the space with my studio mate who has been there since May. I wasn't expecting any hard or serious work but then a flood of portraits came forward. I got excited, and suddenly I was expecting things of myself, my work and my time in the studio. That is a pressure that I just don't need and especially when I am trying to build habits with compassion for myself and the process. I don't want to be a machine anymore or approach this time with harsh rules, but unfortunately, it is so easy to let that part of my brain take over.

Anyway- this is a long way of saying - there were really no "good" portraits this week - maybe one or two - but definitely not six. You can see and hear my frustration during the Tuesday Studio Video Visit this week.

 

One from this week that might work

A lovely patron gifted me with a collection of canvases this week, and so with feeling the frustration of the faces not materialising, I decided to get out one of the largest canvases, a linen 80x100cm and have a go at painting a good old abstract painting.

A fevered energy took over and I bashed out a muted abstract in greys, blacks, and ochres. I messaged a dear painter friend, "is this a painting?" I decided it was (for now) and it certainly captured the atmosphere of the day.

Soon after I stopped painting, I heard the Queen was gravely ill. I packed up my stuff as I strangely felt the urge to get myself home.

I listened to the news during the rainy bus ride and turned on the BBC once through the door. I respectfully sat up on the sofa when they confirmed the news of her death. What a long and full life.

In my UK citizenship ceremony two years ago this month, I made an affirmation - a solemn, and sincere oath to be faithful and allegiant to her Majesty, her Heirs and Successors. Every immigrant who becomes a citizen in this country has gone through this ritual. And all of those naturally born in this country are born subjects. 

Life is filled with such wild and complicated moments.

A vintage postcard I was given while on my citizenship path.
Stapled to the back of the studio closet door.

Broken computers and new small works

This week started off okay but then went to shite around midweek with a computer failure. It really made me realise how much I loathe computers and all the digital detritus we acquire and create. I take a hell of a lot of photos. Computers end up like journals for me. I often start just writing in the middle of a new notebook, random and cryptic words, notations, thoughts. I circle things, I write down dates and numbers and then I walk away, only to start again somewhere else in the notebook, probably writing the same thing again and again. I imagine my computer files stretched across so many dead or dying hard drives, perhaps across continents and seas.

I also realised I don't have to be an expert at all of this. I do pretty well with a few things and that's probably enough. Now, if I could just create a basic rudimentary system that works for me I'll be fine. 

Isn't that what we are all trying to do, just find our place within the frameworks of a basic system. I need wiggle room and a bit of space for wild abandon too. I know I need systems but I don't really like them too much. 

I am sitting in front of the window, the sun is warm on one of my arms, I watch my exhausted daffodils catch the wind, the grape hyacinths are coming up now in the window box. I am listening to concentration music on my computer - drones to keep the brain waves in check. 

I had an order for a print yesterday when I woke up from an old friend in Seattle. Always thankful for the support and delighted for the order. Check out my kofi shop if you haven't in a while. 

And in other news, I happened to paint five new small works this week. Can you imagine? I certainly didn't but somehow I have. These are on 5x7" mixed media on canvas boards. You can see the weave of the canvas in the photos, these wee beauties pack a punch. 

From there to here
mixed media on canvas board
5x7"/13x18cm
©2021 Megan Chapman
£55 with free shipping in the UK
Message me to claim (not in my shop yet)

Ties that bind
mixed media on canvas board
5x7"/13x18cm
©2021 Megan Chapman
£55 with free shipping in the UK
Message me to claim (not in my shop yet)

Your wild terrain
mixed media on canvas board
7x5"/18x13cm
©2021 Megan Chapman
£55 with free shipping in the UK
Message me to claim (not in my shop yet)

Lay it down
mixed media on canvas board
7x5"/18x13cm
©2021 Megan Chapman
£55 with free shipping in the UK
Message me to claim (not in my shop yet)

Thunder and the roar
mixed media on canvas board
5x7"/13x18cm
©2021 Megan Chapman
£55 with free shipping in the UK
Message me to claim (not in my shop yet)

And that's all I have for you this week. Thank you for stopping by and for supporting my work. Take good care of yourself. 

Frustration Evident

Frustration evident

I am just back from a sunshine-filled 4-mile walk. I'm trying to stay in the frame of mind I was in while I was outside. Rather than listen to music on my walk or birdsong, I chose to listen to Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen's "Renegades podcast." I am not a Spotify user but I thought they were important enough to put the app on my phone at least temporarily. It was a good choice. I walked for the duration of the 2 available podcasts, as they spoke and shared their upbringings and their thoughts and experiences of race and racism as well as the complicated and complex beauty of America.

It was wonderful to listen to their conversation weave in and out of a variety of topics with mutual admiration, respect, and the joy of discovery. It was a beautiful thing to listen to these two men talk in this way. It reminded me a lot of the conversations I have with my friends - touching on so many topics, associations, and memories eventually finding a common ground or a new understanding of each other and ourselves in the process. People are filled with wisdom. Conversations are long winding paths, perfect to walk to in the spring sunshine. I feel like I walked everywhere. I swallowed back tears at times as I listened to their words. Open communication is such a deep precious gift. I highly recommend the podcast if you haven't listened to it yet. 

As far as my art practice goes, I am feeling quite stuck just now. I did some sketches of noses on a bit of scrap paper, and I painted some thick grey/black lines over some paper works that I had started at the end of last year that need finishing. It's frustrating but I know it will come back when it is time for it to come back. I have to be patient but I also have to acknowledge the frustration. I also need to make some money. It's a drag when that part yells louder than the creative motivation. Sales of my work have been pretty slow so far this year. Thankfully I am receiving payments on a couple of larger paintings I sold in December and I have sold 4 smaller works on paper since January. I am thankful that the studio is allowing us to pay 1/2 of our usual rent just now as well. One day I am going to have to figure out what to do about that space. 

There is an exciting thing coming down the line soon - I am being interviewed for P3DRO, a music and art website. I am answering the interview questions just now. I will keep you posted when the interview becomes available. 

In other news, plans and preparations for the first exhibition of the Abstractionistas, the collective of which I am a member, are underway. The show is scheduled for July at St. Margaret's House Gallery in Edinburgh. Please follow us on Instagram. 

I hope you are staying well and safe and getting out in the sun when you can. I hope there are rich conversations around you and if there are not, I hope you can find some.

Thanks for stopping by.

Take care, 

Megan 

Here are all the links you need to find my work and the galleries that represent me.