I am not the artist I used to be

I am not the artist I used to be. 

I could be distressed by this (and I am a little) or I could be excited. 

The second one seems like the better option. 

I don't play the game as well as I used to and I always required a lot of help to play it at all. 

I have been beaten down and worn out by it and I got confused. 

I deviated from my original purpose.

I make art to express myself to myself and to understand the world and my place in it. 

I make art because I am good at it and it feels good to be good at something.

I make art because it gives me a purpose and helps me make sense of my brain.

I make art because I don't always understand the world or myself and it helps me to feel better. 

I make art to hide within and to stand strong beside. 

I make art because it is something I know how to do better than almost anything else. 

I don't always stick to a routine or a schedule and I judge myself for this but less and less.

I know my natural rhythm is a trickle or a deluge. 

I know I am rebellious against the routines I love the most. 

I know I can have a hard time with record keeping, documenting, archiving, and consistently sharing my work as well as presenting it for sale. Probably because I am a painter and could use more support in these areas - but I am done judging myself for this and I am proud of doing it as well as I have.

I don't love all art, some art really pisses me off and I wish it would go away. 

I have made 1000 choices in order to live the way I do, to protect my art, my brain, my being. Some of these were hard and some of my choices were not so good, or easily understood, but I am still here. 

I still need people to view, enjoy, and support my art - I don't want to work in a vacuum and community engagement is extremely important to me.

Financial support of my art is crucial. I'm not independently wealthy and I can live a pretty precarious existence that is at times stressful and scary. 

If you want to see me in my flow state, ask me to talk about art. When I don't have the chance to do this (and I haven't really in years) I feel like a part of myself is missing.

Art has given me so much in terms of community, love, support, joy, and excitement. I have sacrificed a lot for art in exchange. I wouldn't change it. 

I have cried over and regretted this calling.

I still wouldn't change it. I can't.

When art returns to me after being away there is no better feeling.

To be certain of my place in the lineage feels like coming home. 

I am not the artist I used to be.

So let's see what happens next...

Keep fighting. 

Radical dreaming in art for a better future

To be made uncomfortable
A3 size/11.7x16.5” 150gm smooth cartridge paper
Megan Chapman 
2020
private collection

The pandemic has changed how some of us think about art and work. Perhaps some have realised that the traditional capitalist system is not always beneficial and that there are other ways of living. This has led to a shift as we desire to create a more compassionate inner landscape and society.

We are becoming more aware of how our work can contribute to the greater good. Some of us also realise that we have been exploited or have even exploited ourselves in this outdated system. We may also have begun to deepen our understanding of the importance of art-making post-pandemic, as it allows us to express ourselves in creative ways that can bring joy and deep healing during difficult times.

This shift in thinking has helped us to see our lives beyond striving or has helped us redefine success. Some of us are learning to be even more mindful of our actions and decisions as we build a better future for ourselves and others.

I have always questioned the system rooted in production and consumption. I realise the need for a post-capitalist society. Art can bring joy, solace, understanding, empathy, and hope in times like these.

In a post-capitalist society, joy and optimism are essential for creating a better future. By allowing ourselves to dream of utopia, we can explore the potential of our collective imagination and creativity. We can use this to envision a world where everyone has access to basic necessities, is treated with respect, and is free to pursue their dreams without fear of oppression or exploitation. By looking beyond the limits of our current system, we can create a more equitable and just future for all.

To create this utopia, we must fight against the dominant paradigm, educate others, and challenge their current views with a more radical vision of an equitable society. This means that we must work collectively, in solidarity, while also challenging our assumptions and biases to continually improve our understanding of the world. This idea of creating a better future is not new—it has been part of human life for thousands of years. Utopian ideals are constantly expressed through art, literature, religion, philosophy and science as people endeavour for better lives.

Join your union: https://www.artistsunion.scot/