All my rituals

Cover of the Cult Deprogramming manual, 1998-1999
 " ...day to day. Each of us should be willing to flow along with the tide and not set up resistance against anything that comes. This is necessary so that growth and redemption can occur."

Where are my rituals? Where is my mind? And what is okay to reflect on when the world is going to hell and everyone is stressed. It all seems so gross. 

Where are the things that I know to do after 53 years on the planet that uniquely ground, calm, inspire and excite me? Not people like me or similar to me, or that share a set of characteristics to me, and especially not the fucking data set and me. 

ME. I remember from my childhood that Mr. Rogers on PBS would tell me that there was no one else like ME. That each human was unique and special, one of a kind. I liked this idea. There was only one me and only one you. Yet, somehow we could create a kind community and work together.

But then we got other messaging as we were growing up, don't let that uniqueness go to your head, don't feel too special. Who do you think you are? Don't be weird. Don't stick out. Be more like them. Wear this, buy that. Eat this, not that. Say this, and for god sake don't say that. 

Like most, I got swept up in it for periods of time, but I could never maintain the facade. I would rebel against this behaviour and then be an exaggerated version of my "true" self. Back and forth it went until I had no idea who I was.

Over the years, I have been perceived as a rebel, a punk, a writer, an actor, an artist. Politically engaged, and a highly sensitive person. Intense, Self absorbed, Sarcastic, A live wire, Emotional, Anxious, and way too much. 

However, I am also perceived as overly responsible, conscientious to a fault, rule abiding (if they make sense), mature for my age and an old soul (as a child) - and yet also naive, gullible, and a people pleaser. Extremely loyal, tenacious, and dedicated. I am an outwardly hard worker (and working even harder behind the scenes). 

If you didn't know this about me, the algorithm does; and feeds me content that maintains my interest and exploits my weakness. 

Let the record state - that while being many of these perceptions and more, I have also been a consistently funny human. I am not sure if the bastards have figured that out yet. 

Inside the manual

The idea was that the imagined cult member would look at the book and the images would reset their memories and they would be restored to the person their family remembered from before the cult. This was when assuming characters and scenarios were an important part of my work.

Now back to me (and you) and the fucking data set. In 1998-99 I made a piece called "the cult deprogramming manual" at the University of Oregon as part of my BFA terminal exhibition and right now I feel I could benefit from gazing into its pages. I think a lot of us could. You can read a bit more about the manual and some of my other earlier work at the U of O in this old blog post from 2008.

I am so tired of being fed information that the algorithm knows I will like or respond to. I am tired of being sold to and manipulated and I am tired of being mined for data. We all are. I am tired of wondering if an app could help me feel better. I am pretty media savvy and I remember existing long before the internet - but the bastards got me anyway - you can't will power your way out of something so expertly designed and crafted to influence and addict. 

Obviously over the years the internet has been weaponised against us and our poor brains. We have unwittingly found ourselves in a cult. And now I know it's more important than ever to spend time in my studio and turn my back on so much bullshit. 

How are you taking back control or managing your exposure to all of this relentless messaging? How are you still staying engaged with your community (online and offline) while setting limits? How are you staying aware of the problems of the world and taking action without it feeling performative and hollow or without becoming overwhelmed? Have you read or listened to a book on the subject that has impacted you and made a difference in how you are navigating all of this? I'd love to hear about it. 

Until next week, I will be over here clawing back my rituals. 

And remember, that there truly is no one like you and I like you just as you are. Keep Fighting! X.

I still shake

Above the old studio sink

Hello Dear Readers, Friday finds us again.

Thank you for spending some time with me in a world that is always pulling at your attention and lifeforce. Last week's post seemed to be a popular one, and I am glad it resonated. 

This hasn't been a great week, but there have still been moments of beauty and laughter, as well as tears. I took time for it all.

I have decided that I must approach things differently. It's once again time to reframe, change, embrace, and accept. Of course, it is always this time unless one is fighting against the very nature of life. I am actually pretty good at doing this - I can be pretty stubborn. I am a fixer and an optimist, a hard worker and much of the time, a black and white thinker. These qualities can serve me well to a point and these traits can also make things harder than necessary. I embrace my hardwired tendencies and breathe into what I can soften and release. 

This week, I walked more and listened to nature's lessons. 

As I think many of you have gathered, my art "career" is not the same as it once was, my feelings and motivations towards it have changed a lot since the pandemic as well as from all I have learned through my involvement with the Scottish Artists Union. I no longer work the same way as I did. Some of this is okay with me and some of it, is not. 

The arts (in all of its forms) was such a huge part of who I was as a child, how I was raised, what I valued and how I perceived my value. I credit art with "rewiring" my brain, giving me a purpose, and helping me make sense of the world and my place in it. Art built my confidence and gave me a shorthand language to help me find others that I could understand and who would understand me. Art supported me emotionally, spiritually, sometimes financially, and gave me a sense of community. 

Most of my friends are artists or in creative fields of practice and many of them have also changed the way they work. We talk about it differently now, in a wistful way. Longing for something that was lost. Back before algorithms, likes, and shares - or back to when likes and shares still equaled opportunities and income. Back before we realised how much all the open calls were costing us, before we realised the labour involved in pursuing speculative opportunities that seemed to generate income for everyone but the artists. Back when we had that hungry energy when we were younger. 

How do we peel it all back and begin again? What systems need creating to make it work? What is the goal now? How do you keep expressing and creating when you are the only audience for your work and your storage space and finances are limited? How do you remain committed to the creative practice when the world seems committed to misunderstanding it and you? 

How do you ignore the pressures of society to protect the tiny flame within?

I think you tell the truth. I think you keep showing up, even if showing up looks different now. I think you keep walking in nature, and realising the value of all things that feed the creative work. I think you get quiet and maybe a little angry. 

And you create to please yourself, to calm, soothe, explore, excavate and exorcise. I think you meditate and cry and limit the bullshit from taking root. 

Why would the path look the same as it did five, ten, or twenty five years ago? It wouldn't. We've changed, the world has changed, the internet has changed, galleries have changed, motivations have changed and this is simply the nature of things. 

Art is the constant, even in fits and starts. From youth to now, I think about it, write about it, talk about it, work around it, create it, cry and worry over it, and feel its exaltation.

I let go of what was, accept what is, and do not fear the future, but I still shake.

A shift in the weather

I am not the artist I used to be

I am not the artist I used to be. 

I could be distressed by this (and I am a little) or I could be excited. 

The second one seems like the better option. 

I don't play the game as well as I used to and I always required a lot of help to play it at all. 

I have been beaten down and worn out by it and I got confused. 

I deviated from my original purpose.

I make art to express myself to myself and to understand the world and my place in it. 

I make art because I am good at it and it feels good to be good at something.

I make art because it gives me a purpose and helps me make sense of my brain.

I make art because I don't always understand the world or myself and it helps me to feel better. 

I make art to hide within and to stand strong beside. 

I make art because it is something I know how to do better than almost anything else. 

I don't always stick to a routine or a schedule and I judge myself for this but less and less.

I know my natural rhythm is a trickle or a deluge. 

I know I am rebellious against the routines I love the most. 

I know I can have a hard time with record keeping, documenting, archiving, and consistently sharing my work as well as presenting it for sale. Probably because I am a painter and could use more support in these areas - but I am done judging myself for this and I am proud of doing it as well as I have.

I don't love all art, some art really pisses me off and I wish it would go away. 

I have made 1000 choices in order to live the way I do, to protect my art, my brain, my being. Some of these were hard and some of my choices were not so good, or easily understood, but I am still here. 

I still need people to view, enjoy, and support my art - I don't want to work in a vacuum and community engagement is extremely important to me.

Financial support of my art is crucial. I'm not independently wealthy and I can live a pretty precarious existence that is at times stressful and scary. 

If you want to see me in my flow state, ask me to talk about art. When I don't have the chance to do this (and I haven't really in years) I feel like a part of myself is missing.

Art has given me so much in terms of community, love, support, joy, and excitement. I have sacrificed a lot for art in exchange. I wouldn't change it. 

I have cried over and regretted this calling.

I still wouldn't change it. I can't.

When art returns to me after being away there is no better feeling.

To be certain of my place in the lineage feels like coming home. 

I am not the artist I used to be.

So let's see what happens next...

Keep fighting. 

My line dances through it all

Solidly in the centre

mixed media on paper

29.7 x 42 cm (11.69 x 16.54 in)

Sold

This month we are continuing to take a deep dive into my love of working on paper (see last week's post if you missed it)

Working on paper has a rich history and has been part of my art practice since the beginning. Its versatility as well as its ability to be easily preserved and displayed, as well as transported, make paper one of the first materials I reach for. The tooth and texture pull me in. The sound of the brush or pencil across it is one of my favourite things. Each type of paper has its own song and inspires the work.

A sequence of webs #3
mixed media on paper
29.7 x 42 cm (11.69 x 16.54 in)
£125

This is no child’s dance
No crayon across a blank page
It was born from there
Kept alive by sheer will
and stubbornness
It was encouraged by my mother
and father
It was grown by teachers, mentors, and even thieves

You don’t have to understand it
to feel it
You don’t need to have lived it
to know it
A scroll - a poem, a dedication, a prayer, a song…
My line dances through it all

A sequence of webs #1
mixed media on paper
29.7 x 42 cm (11.69 x 16.54 in)
£125

This piece above is all about the calming direct energy of the white stroke through the earthy noise and lines in the background. Like a ribbon or rope guiding us in or pulling us out on top. Perhaps it is a wave we are riding through life. If you look at the painting below, "A sequence of webs number 2". You can compare and contrast the two pieces and see how they are different chapters of the same tale.

A sequence of webs #2
mixed media on paper
29.7 x 42 cm (11.69 x 16.54 in)
Sold

The paintings often know the story long before I do.

Thanks for joining me this week here on the studio blog. Take care out there. 

Ask questions, raise hell, and look ugly doing it.

Well, last week's post went down a storm. Thank you to all who read it here on my blog and across my social media channels. It was good to hear from so many of you who felt the same way. It was illuminating in who and in how folks responded. And it made me realise a few things. 

The artists who are worried about adding to the glut, really don't need to be. Because you are not. It is just like us to think that we are though, but again - we are not. Do not make more space for the glut fillers by removing yourself and your skilled and thoughtful work.

Do not disappear. Plant your feet, broaden your shoulders and link up. Find each other, protect your art, and advocate for yourself and your true peers.  

T A K E. 

U P. 

S P A C E.

Be raw, unfinished, dirty, and sick. Ask questions, raise hell, and look ugly doing it. 

This isn't a vanity project, this is our fucking life. This is our art - an extension of ourselves. This isn't a choice. This is blood. 

We don't do it for the bots, or the bloated likes and follows, we have no choice. 

So let's not pretend that we could ever fit into an algorithm.

Show up like we did before the world's stage was in everyone's back pocket. 

Find your true kin and give them your time and attention. Find yourself.

Your work is too good to doubt or to hide. Show them how it is done - your way. 

See you there.

Two years later with a dash of rage

You think you've had two years (this weekend) to go inside yourself and listen deeply to your wants and needs and to create a new personal mission statement for the way you want to live on this planet. 

But you didn't. 

How could any of us think like that while the world is on fire and there are so many loud voices coming at us from all sides? Did some listicle shame you and the way you coped? So many voices telling us to get clear on our goals, get fit, get organised, go deep, make your mark, leave what no longer serves, get angry, fight the power, and save the planet. All the while fighting for social and economic justice, raising a good family or loving the one you're with while staying informed on politics, world news, and what's trending. Clap for carers and front line workers, bargain shop, and mind how long you leave the lights on and did you mourn in an acceptable way across your socials, did you virtue signal or just support the right causes? 

How the fuck are we supposed to do all of this while being beautiful, creative, talented, well-read, well-travelled, and well-loved. And of course, let's not forget the people who didn't skip a beat, you just got on with it, kept calm and carried on and "fuck it, this is my one life when it's time, it's time..."

The pandemic is not over, war rages in many places that we are not paying attention to today, and of course on our poor mother earth. Politicians are chipping away at our democracy while stealing from the poor and we know that straight white males are the only ones that had a fair shake anyway, so why the fuck are they so angry? 

And yet, I need to paint a painting? I need to stay relevant, make a sale, go to an exhibition, say something beautiful, add a bit of joy to the world or express my rage in painterly form? Hmm. I am not so sure about that.

Needs must

I have been focusing on selling my older small works, studio sale works, works on paper, and my book works. Working on the promotional aspects of my art world than the making and doing. Honestly, I would rather be painting but I have to stand squarely in the reality that I need to sell the works I have already made so that I can survive and continue to work in the future.

The bottom line is I want to be able to continue being a painter and in order to do that, I have to sell some work. I am still paying rent on a studio that I have only been to about 4 or 5 times since the pandemic hit Scotland in March. I am not even sure if in the future I will be able to maintain or support a studio. Like many people, the virus is making me rethink a lot of things and to consider different approaches to living and working. 

The one thing that hasn't changed is that I have a strong belief in the power of art and I want more people to have access to my work. That is why I always have more affordable pieces along with the more expensive gallery pieces. 

I am grateful to all my patrons and supporters past and present that have continued to support my work, especially during these strange days.

Here are some of my remaining affordable original works for sale. Follow me across my social media channels to always stay up to date with sales and my available smaller works. I only post my larger canvas series on my formal website. 

Little anchors #2
15.2x15.2cm/6x6”
Mixed media on card
Framed in black, no glass
Signed and dated on the back
© 2019 Megan Chapman
£45 (free shipping in the UK)
to purchase email: megancha at gmail dot com 

An image of the same piece to show you the frame. 

Dark Sketches Transition # 2

Original, signed on the back
Mixed media on acid-free 300 gsm/140lb Watercolour paper
Mounted and ready to pop in a frame
10x8”/25x20cm.
£25 (free UK shipping)

to purchase email: megancha at gmail dot com

Isolated Moment #10
Original work on paper! 
Mounted and ready to pop in an 8x8"/ 20.x20cm frame
£20 (free UK shipping)
to purchase email: megancha at gmail dot com

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! 

2020 is here and so are you. Thank you. What will this new year bring? I have no idea but here's what I would like.

I want a community of peers. I want to visit studios and talk shite and laugh with other painters. I want to be challenged and inspired. I want a unified voice that is supportive and even demanding. A group of artists that hold each other to a high standard without being mean bastards. I want places to show work and I want to connect with a public that understands the importance of art and is excited by abstraction in particular. I would like to get paid fairly for the work I do. I want to live in a society that values what I have dedicated my life to. I have no interest in alienating the general public or making art seem any more important than what it is. I would like to cut through the bullshit of the art world and make art more accessible so that artists can fulfill their purpose and so that the general public can let down their guard and feel the work that is created.

I want to create more community and opportunities around the studio I work in and I want to connect the dots with some of the abstract artists I have become familiar with across the UK. Let's see what happens. 

Thank you for being on this path with me. I wish you all the best in the coming year. 

- Megan 

You can find my work at the following galleries and websites.

The Velvet Easel Gallery

Portobello, Edinburgh

Scotland

You can catch my work in the Of Night and Light Exhibition until 1st of March 2020.

Dancing Light Gallery

Edinburgh

Scotland

You can catch my work in the Winter Warmth Exhibition until 29th January 2020.

Fenix Gallery

Fayetteville, Arkansas, USA

Ask to see my available small works and limited edition prints

Small Works Shop

You can find my small to medium works for sale online.

On all your favourite channels!

Web: www.meganchapman.com

IG: instagram.com/ethermaven

FB: facebook.com/megan.chapman.artist

Twitter: twitter.com/ethermaven

And of course, at my studio G23, located at 36 Dalmeny Street Leith, Edinburgh EH6 8RG, I will gladly open by appointment. Message me online through my contact form through my website or online shop.

Walls too crowded, budget tight? You can still support my work. Click the link to buy me a coffee, a tip of £3 for the content I share. Or consider becoming a monthly supporter for exclusive content. Thanks! Support Me on Ko-fi