Temptress of the sea, you treat me right

Andrew Wyeth, "Airborne," 1996, Tempera on panel

What can I say, my mind is not exactly here. I am not that focused on art either (even though I did have four pieces documented, varnished, and I painted the sides of the canvases in order to ship them off tomorrow (more on that soon).

My studio is also still mostly tidy from last Sunday's Open Studio event (thanks to everyone who attended). I also installed another set of shelves in the studio (found on the street of course) for my canvas storage. So, I have been getting some things organised and moving ever forward.

I have been trouble sleeping, waking up at 3am most nights this past week, very excited about moving to our new place. We got the keys to our wee fisherman's cottage on Thursday.

I am not sure how we decided on this place, I think it was imminent homelessness nipping at our heels. We saw it all of ten minutes and it was in a bit of a state, nothing I would usually want to live in but at the same time it had "something" many places did not, a feeling that a potential metamorphosis could take place with a bit of care and vision. We saw it at 10:30 in the morning last Thursday and by 2:30 that day it was reserved for us. It's only 15 minutes away by bus to the part of town I know and love most, and we are technically still in Edinburgh, so I need not worry but trust in the only constant, change.

When we got the keys, I was very excited to walk through it again while the workers were giving it a fresh lick of white paint. I sat on the carpeted floors and looked out the windows. I stood on the concrete of the back patio and rejoiced that I had a place where my feet could touch the earth. I imagined all sorts of scenarios, pots of soup and cups of tea, and a meditation on the wee beach across the road. How will living in this new space and community affect my painting? Only time will tell. Perhaps, we all need to move every four years, to shake off the old ways and start again.

"We sail today 

Tears drown in the wake of delight 

There's nothing like this built today 

You'll never see a finer ship in your life 

Along the way 

The sea will crowd us with lovers at night 

There's nothing like this built today 

You'll never see a finer ship 

Or receive a better tip in your life..." 

-Interpol

I think we have found a fine ship...

*************

Do you enjoy my blog, my video visits, the paintings I share, or the other content that I provide for free across social media? Consider buying me a cup of coffee in support of my work. I am a member of Ko-fi.com, A friendly way for creators to get paid! Thank you!

Contemplation

I am cleaning up my thoughts and stories that surround my art, process, and why I make art in the first place. How did I get here?

I feel this is some dark and murky territory and I feel deeply challenged as I wade in. This is an emotional landscape. I feel a bit lost, floating around the edges of things unable to put words to where I am in my head regarding my art. I feel like I am hovering above the meaning of it all and my feet are nowhere near touching.

This is not a bad thing, it's just uncomfortable and that is a good thing. I am challenged and I don't have any answers. So with this knowledge, I move forward.

Ideas about value and worth swirl around my head, mirroring my self-esteem. I have underpriced my work. I have undervalued my work. I have undervalued myself, my time, and my skills. At the same time, I have shied away from the true risk in my work. I have only scratched the surface because of fear. I have been lazy and played it safe. I dance on the outside of my real work in order to keep the peace, in order to fulfill a void, in order to fulfill a need. Not always but often. There are bodies and pieces of my work that go deeper. I remember them as if they were a dream, and I am always trying to get back to that secret door.

I like dirty work, torn work, imperfect work, energetic work and dark work. I always have but I don't allow myself to make this work too often. I hold back, I censor, I repeat and stay safe.