Why so serious?

Good morning, mixed media on canvas, 100x150cm © 2026 Megan Chapman

Oh, I know why I am serious. However, sometimes I do need to shake it up and rebel against myself and my "better" judgement. Sometimes, I need to have an opposite day.

I have a deep love and a deep hate of routine - I desperately need routines to help me feel productive and centred but I also need to have a more "organic" and "go with the flow" attitude. When my routine becomes too restrictive for too long, my brain will scream at me, like John Locke from LOST - "Don't tell me what I can't do!" This is a  constant and exhausting battle.

So that's where "opposite day" comes into the mix. I will eat the opposite types of food, drink the opposite types of drinks, move my routine around, or do something I haven't done in a long time. Or be a little less rigid with my own deadlines and plans. Or my goal will be to purposely do something badly that I usually do well.

How this manifested on Friday was that I went to the corner market and bought two Dr. Peppers (this used to be my favourite soft drink when I was a teenager). I don't drink soft drinks these days very often. These Dr. Peppers signal a change in plan and the brain knows we are about to have some fun!

Anyway - I knew I wanted to paint over an old bastard of a painting and I wanted to make something cheerful, in the realm of decor and just for myself (opposites). I wanted to fill a blank wall in my bedroom. 

I also wanted to dance, jump around, and sing. Fueled by my two Dr. Peppers and some nutritional yeast covered popcorn - that's exactly what I did. Music flowed through my big headphones and as I kicked into the air, I was free! 

I covered the large canvas in layer after layer of paint, writing and crossing out words. I faced the painting like a child at a chalkboard at primary school- writing, "I will not worry" over and over again, crossing and painting it out. Later my carefully looped letters wrote, "I will have fun" in white pencil over the pink paint, again to be partially erased and painted over.  As I painted, I danced, sang, and kicked.

I will not worry

I will not worry

I will have fun
I will have joy

I sang along to an old Bad Religion song: 

"Hey, everybody's looking but they never can see
All the angst, corruption and the dishonesty
Look around and ask someone if you are alive..."

Kick, Jump. Paint, Repeat. 

I will not worry
I will not worry

I will have fun
I will have joy

And at the end of a long high energy day, I had created a new painting just for me. Something cheerful and also filled with the punk rock, Dr. Pepper energy of youth. A floating house and my childhood cursive sings across the canvas, "Good morning."

And it was.

Flowers & Culture

Southern heart, mixed media on paper, 20 x 29.5 cm, ©2024 Megan Chapman

Hello Dear Readers,

I have been working on an art related project behind the scenes here and it's something I have been meaning to do for a while now. I am pleased to have finally had the time and space to tackle it and working in my new studio has certainly helped. However, I am not ready to share it yet because there is more I would like to do. I will share it soon though, I promise. 

I wasn't sure what I would write about this week due to delaying that bit of news. So, I will share a few random things and some cultural visitations.

First of all. It's DAFFODIL SEASON. That means you can walk into any grocery shop and find .95p bouquets of daffodils in bud, that bloom once you put them in some water at home. All varieties. Why isn't this a thing in the USA? This is one of my top five reasons to live over here (I am not kidding - it's probably in the top three)

Now to the culture segment:

Exhibitions: 

RSA: Modern Miniatures and Currently on view

City Art Centre: Michael Fullerton, along with a quick revisit of Out of Chaos: Post-War Scottish Art 1945-2000

Open Eye: Exhibitions by Glen Scouller RSW RGI, and Luisa Ramazzotti, and On a Grand Scale featuring John Bellany, Barbara Rae DBE, and Leon Morrocco RSA RGI, as well as, On a Small Scale by selected invited artists.

Scottish Gallery: Great Escapes - Rowan Patton, James Morrison - In Focus, Various Artists - The Northern Isles Part II

Books: 

A Winter Book by Finnish author Tove Jansson. This book of short stories was given to me by my Finnish pal, Peikko. The stories were the perfect company during the dark month of January. The short story, Squirrel especially resonated. It's a lonely book of bohemian and coastal memory filled with magic that shoots one across ages and time. 

The First Bad Man by Miranda July. I have had this book for ages now, and have started it many times but this time I am going to finish it. I always enjoy Miranda's writing of the intense and deeply awkward and often relatable ways of women. You might too. 

The other day another book dropped through the door, and I was perplexed until I opened it, and I had to thank myself for preordering, Atypical Girl, Punk rock, Liverpool, and trying to be normal by Penny Kiley. I have already started it (but must finish Miranda's book first!) but I am very excited to spend more time in the pages and on Penny's journey. 

Films: (I am not going to link to trailers because I don't like them) but these are some great films that I have seen recently. (I am so glad I saw Hamnet in the theatre so I could cry in public.)

Hamnet 
Adaptation
Paterson
The Last Showgirl
Aftersun
Paris is Burning
The Florida Project

TV:

The Lowdown Created by Sterlin Harjo (I am in the middle of this and am really enjoying the Tulsa vibes). John Doe (from X) is a proper scene-stealer in one episode. Thanks Sarah for the recommendation - you were right. 

Music:

I have been listening to old Wipers albums. I was late to the party and just in time - just a tremendous band and I can see why they were so influential to so many. I have also been enjoying Amyl and The Sniffers, and GRLwood, and revisiting the music of T.S.O.L.. I have also revisited some old albums by Moby and it truly was the samples he used that always grabbed me. So I had to listen to The Famous Davis Singers. Arkansas treasure, Jesse Welles, dropped a new video with another great tune reflecting the USA at the moment, and I have been listening to it on repeat. 

That's all I have for you this week. I hope that you are okay. Please take a minute to care for yourself by enjoying some culture. It will help you to keep fighting the good fight. Thanks for being here. Stay strong. 

Joy is resistance

You know what's cool? Walking down a road you've never been on with your pal, then standing with your backs against a wall in the winter sun. I’ve done this twice lately and highly recommend it. If you joke that you both look like members of an '80s band and share a laugh, it’s even better.

Julia and I have been roaming the streets again, seeing art, and sitting in coffee shops. We have already seen some great exhibitions this year. This is normally where I would tell you all about them but I cannae be arsed. Go out and see some art wherever you live. 

I will show you one of my new works in progress. I decided to pop it into a frame just to see how it would feel in one, and it seemed to agree with it. I like my frames like I like my art, a bit dirty and damaged. 

In other news, I have been reading books, organising, working, meditating, baking, and learning new ways of being. It's a good way to stay sane when everything is awful and gross. I am also taking action, voting, calling, signing, and joining. Community, community, community - that's where it's at. I hope you are being supported by your community. I hope you are supporting your community. 

Stay free, be well, and stand against walls in the sun. 

A rhythm that I can fall into

work in progress

Scotland is a strange embrace. It is a sure road under my feet, even with its many curious twists and turns. It is a home I have always known and longed for, yet it sits slightly askew. The gratitude I feel for this land is enormous, and the personification of it is easily done. My body senses familiarity at every turn.

There is a safety here for me, a social contract understood: foundational. Even with all its problems and self-doubts, it provides a known beat, a rhythm that I can fall into.

It catches me off guard with its lull of consistency. If one has never felt such ground, it's easy to downplay. It runs at a humane pace and is a place of workers, history, and darkness. Its greatness is not boastful, bright, or new.

Scotland is a strange embrace.

___________________

Until next week, take care and keep fighting. Thank you for being on this path with me.  And if you like a spot of David Bowie, punk rock, and dream pop here's a playlist for you.

In solidarity

Support these mutual aid organisations

Reclaiming my time

Processing

I am thankful that I wrote last week's post as it seemed to lessen an existential burden and helped me to solidify my thoughts. And this week, the flood gates opened - a whole series, a whole concept, and something that I had been wanting to do, came to me as a completed vision. Well, complete enough to begin.

But I had to set the scene for my brain and for the concept to feel safe enough to show up. I needed time and I needed the right internal environment. I needed to trust the vision.

The relief I feel is immense and I am sleeping better than I have in ages. The food tastes delicious, the music is wondrous, and the films I watch are masterpieces. The birds are singing and the grey skies are perfect. I am in flow. Hello, old friend. Hello, Megan. I am glad to be back. 

I don't want to write much about the actual concept just yet as we are in the protection and nurture phase but I am excited and this has been a long time coming.

Wherever you are I hope you are well and inspired. Keep fighting.

All my rituals

Cover of the Cult Deprogramming manual, 1998-1999
 " ...day to day. Each of us should be willing to flow along with the tide and not set up resistance against anything that comes. This is necessary so that growth and redemption can occur."

Where are my rituals? Where is my mind? And what is okay to reflect on when the world is going to hell and everyone is stressed. It all seems so gross. 

Where are the things that I know to do after 53 years on the planet that uniquely ground, calm, inspire and excite me? Not people like me or similar to me, or that share a set of characteristics to me, and especially not the fucking data set and me. 

ME. I remember from my childhood that Mr. Rogers on PBS would tell me that there was no one else like ME. That each human was unique and special, one of a kind. I liked this idea. There was only one me and only one you. Yet, somehow we could create a kind community and work together.

But then we got other messaging as we were growing up, don't let that uniqueness go to your head, don't feel too special. Who do you think you are? Don't be weird. Don't stick out. Be more like them. Wear this, buy that. Eat this, not that. Say this, and for god sake don't say that. 

Like most, I got swept up in it for periods of time, but I could never maintain the facade. I would rebel against this behaviour and then be an exaggerated version of my "true" self. Back and forth it went until I had no idea who I was.

Over the years, I have been perceived as a rebel, a punk, a writer, an actor, an artist. Politically engaged, and a highly sensitive person. Intense, Self absorbed, Sarcastic, A live wire, Emotional, Anxious, and way too much. 

However, I am also perceived as overly responsible, conscientious to a fault, rule abiding (if they make sense), mature for my age and an old soul (as a child) - and yet also naive, gullible, and a people pleaser. Extremely loyal, tenacious, and dedicated. I am an outwardly hard worker (and working even harder behind the scenes). 

If you didn't know this about me, the algorithm does; and feeds me content that maintains my interest and exploits my weakness. 

Let the record state - that while being many of these perceptions and more, I have also been a consistently funny human. I am not sure if the bastards have figured that out yet. 

Inside the manual

The idea was that the imagined cult member would look at the book and the images would reset their memories and they would be restored to the person their family remembered from before the cult. This was when assuming characters and scenarios were an important part of my work.

Now back to me (and you) and the fucking data set. In 1998-99 I made a piece called "the cult deprogramming manual" at the University of Oregon as part of my BFA terminal exhibition and right now I feel I could benefit from gazing into its pages. I think a lot of us could. You can read a bit more about the manual and some of my other earlier work at the U of O in this old blog post from 2008.

I am so tired of being fed information that the algorithm knows I will like or respond to. I am tired of being sold to and manipulated and I am tired of being mined for data. We all are. I am tired of wondering if an app could help me feel better. I am pretty media savvy and I remember existing long before the internet - but the bastards got me anyway - you can't will power your way out of something so expertly designed and crafted to influence and addict. 

Obviously over the years the internet has been weaponised against us and our poor brains. We have unwittingly found ourselves in a cult. And now I know it's more important than ever to spend time in my studio and turn my back on so much bullshit. 

How are you taking back control or managing your exposure to all of this relentless messaging? How are you still staying engaged with your community (online and offline) while setting limits? How are you staying aware of the problems of the world and taking action without it feeling performative and hollow or without becoming overwhelmed? Have you read or listened to a book on the subject that has impacted you and made a difference in how you are navigating all of this? I'd love to hear about it. 

Until next week, I will be over here clawing back my rituals. 

And remember, that there truly is no one like you and I like you just as you are. Keep Fighting! X.

To feel and remember

perceptibility

I feel like an invisible weight is pressing on me. Why write a studio blog when the world is so uncomfortable and rough and when everything feels fraught? We watch ourselves do our jobs, our chores, our errands, our coffee meetups and our food shopping. As sorrow builds up in our hearts and threatens to drown us, somehow we keep moving. 

We clear or clip the hurdles as the minutes pass, and the sky changes from light to dark. I paint and draw pictures to feel and remember.

patch

I am grateful for the moments of shared humanity and I hate all the sorrow and fear we are living under. Another day, another news cycle, another heartbreak; yet we keep moving, we keep fighting, and somehow we keep loving. 

Please take care of your kind heart. We need you and the gifts you bring. X.

Squarely in the now

work in progress 2026

Happy New Year!

I am sitting at my work table in the studio to write this. I am looking out of the windows to the sky. The sun is casting shadows on the buildings around me. I see planes flying into the city over the Forth, I telepathically welcome them. Seagulls gather on roof tops. I am surrounded by my paint, pencils, charcoal, pastels and brushes. All of my available art from the last 11 years is in one place and under the same roof as me and that feels good. 

I worked yesterday and today in my studio - filled with the "begin the year as you mean to go on" spirit. Filling the pages of an old photo album with mark making and collage. Collage has always been foundational to my work, even though I don't like getting glue on my fingers. It's a good starting point.

We've made it through the holidays, the first without my dad. There are many people missing - loss seems to cling to the years but we carry on.

I don't really want to write a year end review blog for 2025. Maybe this is why. The thought of it seems heavy and complicated.

So, I make another cup of tea, plug in my sunshine lamp, eat some dark chocolate and play music on my big headphones instead.

I will get around to the year end review post eventually (because I am a creature of habit and superstition) but not today. I will write it when I am ready -  that's how I work, I move slow and then I move fast. 

I have been thinking about what I want my art to say and mean in 2026. I don't usually think like that as it seems a bit prescriptive but I thought it could be a good exercise. I usually make art as a necessary exorcism or as a reaction to outside forces.

A pal sends a message: the sun is out and it would be good to get out and away from the screen. I leave my blog and make a mad dash out the door.

It was very cold but bright out. We had mediocre coffee in a dark and divey cafe but we had some top notch laughs. I also noticed bunches of somewhat sad daffodils for sale in the shops - it's too soon, but it is good to remember spring is around the corner. I took photos of the shadows. 

Sunshine on number 55

Once back home, I noticed that there was still a good amount of light left at 4pm. 

Now, I can hear the wild wind outside playing my bamboo chimes, and this is where I am going to leave you on this first Friday of January 2026 - squarely in the now. 

With peace and gratitude from my wintering heart to yours.