Why so serious?

Good morning, mixed media on canvas, 100x150cm © 2026 Megan Chapman

Oh, I know why I am serious. However, sometimes I do need to shake it up and rebel against myself and my "better" judgement. Sometimes, I need to have an opposite day.

I have a deep love and a deep hate of routine - I desperately need routines to help me feel productive and centred but I also need to have a more "organic" and "go with the flow" attitude. When my routine becomes too restrictive for too long, my brain will scream at me, like John Locke from LOST - "Don't tell me what I can't do!" This is a  constant and exhausting battle.

So that's where "opposite day" comes into the mix. I will eat the opposite types of food, drink the opposite types of drinks, move my routine around, or do something I haven't done in a long time. Or be a little less rigid with my own deadlines and plans. Or my goal will be to purposely do something badly that I usually do well.

How this manifested on Friday was that I went to the corner market and bought two Dr. Peppers (this used to be my favourite soft drink when I was a teenager). I don't drink soft drinks these days very often. These Dr. Peppers signal a change in plan and the brain knows we are about to have some fun!

Anyway - I knew I wanted to paint over an old bastard of a painting and I wanted to make something cheerful, in the realm of decor and just for myself (opposites). I wanted to fill a blank wall in my bedroom. 

I also wanted to dance, jump around, and sing. Fueled by my two Dr. Peppers and some nutritional yeast covered popcorn - that's exactly what I did. Music flowed through my big headphones and as I kicked into the air, I was free! 

I covered the large canvas in layer after layer of paint, writing and crossing out words. I faced the painting like a child at a chalkboard at primary school- writing, "I will not worry" over and over again, crossing and painting it out. Later my carefully looped letters wrote, "I will have fun" in white pencil over the pink paint, again to be partially erased and painted over.  As I painted, I danced, sang, and kicked.

I will not worry

I will not worry

I will have fun
I will have joy

I sang along to an old Bad Religion song: 

"Hey, everybody's looking but they never can see
All the angst, corruption and the dishonesty
Look around and ask someone if you are alive..."

Kick, Jump. Paint, Repeat. 

I will not worry
I will not worry

I will have fun
I will have joy

And at the end of a long high energy day, I had created a new painting just for me. Something cheerful and also filled with the punk rock, Dr. Pepper energy of youth. A floating house and my childhood cursive sings across the canvas, "Good morning."

And it was.

A rhythm that I can fall into

work in progress

Scotland is a strange embrace. It is a sure road under my feet, even with its many curious twists and turns. It is a home I have always known and longed for, yet it sits slightly askew. The gratitude I feel for this land is enormous, and the personification of it is easily done. My body senses familiarity at every turn.

There is a safety here for me, a social contract understood: foundational. Even with all its problems and self-doubts, it provides a known beat, a rhythm that I can fall into.

It catches me off guard with its lull of consistency. If one has never felt such ground, it's easy to downplay. It runs at a humane pace and is a place of workers, history, and darkness. Its greatness is not boastful, bright, or new.

Scotland is a strange embrace.

___________________

Until next week, take care and keep fighting. Thank you for being on this path with me.  And if you like a spot of David Bowie, punk rock, and dream pop here's a playlist for you.

If joy is a flower

In case you missed it, you can read last week's post here.

This week, I went to see the film Since Yesterday: The Untold Story of Scotland’s Girl Bands at Duncan Place in Leith. Following the film there was conversation with Girls Rock School Edinburgh and music was played by some of their alumni. It was a really inspiring film, conversation, and event. I booked a ticket straight away for the next film, Poly Styrene: I Am A Cliché, which will have a conversation with Engender. I really enjoy seeing a film with a group of like minded individuals. Community film experiences are so important and rewarding.

This week I also walked in nature a fair amount as it became more spring-like, and lighter and brighter. It’s always good to spot the early flowers and as they wake up and give us their cheerful hello, especially when there is so much going wrong in the world.

That's enough for this post, the goal is to move forward quickly so I can start again. This has been weighing on me and nobody has time for that.

Keep fighting and don't let the bastards get you down. The world needs you and the gifts you bring.

You can read next week's post here.

Without an anchor

I am still here, I didn't turn into dust. I am not sure how. I am walking for miles (my go-to coping strategy) talking, seeing friends, sleeping, resting, grieving, recovering, eating, crying, crying, crying. I talk to you as I look back into the empty rooms. I hope you will visit me in my dreams. I want you back. This is pretty fucking hard. Layers upon layers of grief. I can't move your things. 

My friends have been amazing and the flowers are blooming and the trees are leafing out. I talk to the squirrels, pigeons, and birds. I suddenly have so many bird feeders. My wee animal friends help me - stray cats roam in the garden. They are not you, but I hope they bring messages from you. I am surrounded by beauty in sadness, I am surrounded by big hearts and am aware of all the bodhisattvas that walk in our midst. All the caregivers, healers, and helpers. I try to practice compassion, my mind throws me endless curveballs. I am feeling it all and walking through it. Again I say, this is pretty fucking hard. I miss you so much, Theo. 

In other news, I learned of another loss. My friend, patron, supporter of the arts, punk rocker, photographer and all-around good guy, Peter Goodbody passed away at the end of March and with everything else going on I only just found out. 

If you bought a print or t-shirt with one of my faces on it, Peter Goodbody is the reason why. He suggested that I make them and so I followed through. I will always be grateful for his patronage, friendship, and support. He was a brilliant supporter of musicians and artists across the board. 

Peter interviewed me for his music and art website, P3DRO. I was honoured to be asked but even more thrilled with how brilliant the interview was - he asked great questions and I enjoyed being able to weave my love of music and art together. The interview felt like a special gift. I will always be thankful for Peter and all his help and support over the years. Rest in Power, my friend. You will be missed. 

Here is the interview again for those who missed it the first time or who would like to read it again. 

https://p3dro.net/2021/03/01/megan-chapman-this-is-our-family-tree-made-of-charcoal-dust/

Peter Goodbody modelling one of my shirts.

Thank you, Peter.