Consulting the oracles

conversation with self

It's been a hard month - Loss, illness, and unease

It's been a beautiful month - Conversations, understanding, and alchemy

A creative return 

Consulting the oracles

My hands have moved

Reclaiming stolen property

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

For Brian with gratitude always.

See you later...

The Crossing
mixed media on canvas 20x20"
Megan Chapman 2004
private collection

My birthday was on Monday, March 6th. I turned 51. I am writing this post well after the fact. I remember it was a bright sunny day - one of the first days that it felt like spring was actually going to come at last. I wore a bright daffodil yellow coloured cardigan. 

I started the day by knowingly visiting someone very special to me for the last time. It was a beautiful and easy conversation and everything was said that needed to be. I marvelled at their strength, boldness, unwavering kindness, and the comforting nature that they put out into the world on that day and all days, even though they hadn't been dealt the best of hands. 

I said "I love you, see you later..." as I walked out the door. We both knew I would not. 

In a seemingly split reality, across town, a couple of dear friends were waiting for me for a birthday lunch. I cried at the dining room table when I arrived and shared the power and wonder I had just witnessed. We then enjoyed our bowls of homemade chilli around the table. I was grateful for the kindness and a place to land. 

Theo took a turn and the rest of the week was a blur.

In the shallows

In the shallows

Mixed media on canvas

80x80cm © 2018 Megan Chapman

Sold

Darkness comes in stages

Mixed media on canvas

30x122cm © 2016 Megan Chapman

Sold

I had the most delightful week of meetups, conversations, connections, sales and so much more... I am so pleased that the two pieces above found their homes this week. This always brings me such joy. You can hear me talk about the process and feelings in my Tuesday Studio Video Visit, below. Thank you for your likes, subscribes, shares, and comments and thank you for sharing in my joy and for supporting my work. It means the world to me.

And while I had a good week, I know many in the world did not. I am thinking of the people of Ukraine. 

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings rejoice in the wellbeing of others.
May all beings live in peace, free from greed and hatred.

Thank you.

There's no place like home

What can I tell you? What can I share? 

Well, I have had some glorious conversations, affirmations, and put in a lot of hard work this week and so I have arrived here a bit worn out.

Ties that bind
mixed media on canvas board
5x7"/13x18cm
©2021 Megan Chapman
£55 with free shipping in the UK

I learned recently that there is an old house inside me and in the deepest room, there is a kitchen with a long wooden table. I always have a seat reserved there. I can bring whatever I need to bring to this place and I will be received with unconditional care and space to just be. I can see the light coming in the windows and my shoulders drop and I can breathe deeply. I am greeted the same at the table if I am rage-filled, sad, lonely, scared, tired, or happy as a clam. My table is always there in the light in the middle of the house. I carry this place with me. I will forget sometimes, but I do know it is there. Home within.

This scene makes me cry every time...

In other news, yesterday I joined the Granton Hub as a volunteer member of the arts subgroup to contribute ideas and help run events in their arts programme. I attended my first meeting and I am very excited about the ethos and happenings at the hub. I invite you to like their social media pages and posts if you don't already.

FB:

https://www.facebook.com/madelviccommunity/

TW: https://twitter.com/granton_hub
IG: https://www.instagram.com/grantonhub/
YT: https://bit.ly/3cIKyVA
Web: https://grantonhub.org/

And in other, other news, after the computer failure (and thankful replacement) of last week, I realised I really need and want to create a proper archive of my past, current, and future work. I have found an online platform, that has all the features I need to help me manage my art, exhibitions, finances, and patrons in one place. This platform would help me immensely going forward. I am asking my patrons and supporters to invest in my past work and my future by supporting me in this goal over on my ko-fi page. 1 year of this service costs £165. I have 11 days left of my month-long free trial. I have already uploaded over 100 works to the site.

With your support, I could get my archive off the ground and work smarter rather than harder, and easily share even more of my work with you. I am already hard at work getting my files organised. It has been an overwhelming yet empowering experience. I have a long way to go yet, but I think this is the best tool for moving forward. If you have a spare £3 that would be super helpful. Visit: https://ko-fi.com/meganchapman to help me with this goal. Thanks!

Please show up for yourself. Find your home, your room, your space. Find your folders, create your own system. Ask for help, make it happen. Make your mark. There is room for you here too.

Frustration Evident

Frustration evident

I am just back from a sunshine-filled 4-mile walk. I'm trying to stay in the frame of mind I was in while I was outside. Rather than listen to music on my walk or birdsong, I chose to listen to Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen's "Renegades podcast." I am not a Spotify user but I thought they were important enough to put the app on my phone at least temporarily. It was a good choice. I walked for the duration of the 2 available podcasts, as they spoke and shared their upbringings and their thoughts and experiences of race and racism as well as the complicated and complex beauty of America.

It was wonderful to listen to their conversation weave in and out of a variety of topics with mutual admiration, respect, and the joy of discovery. It was a beautiful thing to listen to these two men talk in this way. It reminded me a lot of the conversations I have with my friends - touching on so many topics, associations, and memories eventually finding a common ground or a new understanding of each other and ourselves in the process. People are filled with wisdom. Conversations are long winding paths, perfect to walk to in the spring sunshine. I feel like I walked everywhere. I swallowed back tears at times as I listened to their words. Open communication is such a deep precious gift. I highly recommend the podcast if you haven't listened to it yet. 

As far as my art practice goes, I am feeling quite stuck just now. I did some sketches of noses on a bit of scrap paper, and I painted some thick grey/black lines over some paper works that I had started at the end of last year that need finishing. It's frustrating but I know it will come back when it is time for it to come back. I have to be patient but I also have to acknowledge the frustration. I also need to make some money. It's a drag when that part yells louder than the creative motivation. Sales of my work have been pretty slow so far this year. Thankfully I am receiving payments on a couple of larger paintings I sold in December and I have sold 4 smaller works on paper since January. I am thankful that the studio is allowing us to pay 1/2 of our usual rent just now as well. One day I am going to have to figure out what to do about that space. 

There is an exciting thing coming down the line soon - I am being interviewed for P3DRO, a music and art website. I am answering the interview questions just now. I will keep you posted when the interview becomes available. 

In other news, plans and preparations for the first exhibition of the Abstractionistas, the collective of which I am a member, are underway. The show is scheduled for July at St. Margaret's House Gallery in Edinburgh. Please follow us on Instagram. 

I hope you are staying well and safe and getting out in the sun when you can. I hope there are rich conversations around you and if there are not, I hope you can find some.

Thanks for stopping by.

Take care, 

Megan 

Here are all the links you need to find my work and the galleries that represent me.

Fire and Noise: Note to self and others.

"I found her on a night of fire and noise
Wild bells rang in a wild sky
I knew from that moment on
That I'd love her till the day that I died
And I kissed away a thousand tears
My lady of the Various Sorrows
Some begged, some borrowed, some stolen
Some kept safe tomorrow..."

Opening lyric from Do you Love Me by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

I am happy to report I have a featured exhibition coming up in February at the River Market ArtSpace in Little Rock, Arkansas. Now is the time to solidify my ideas and concepts, make my plans and get started. I am relieved to have this new focus. I have been drifting a bit since the last show in June and July and taking some serious down time. I have painted many small works on paper for my Etsy shop and managed about 12!?! canvas paintings since then as well, but just sort of floating through, un-moored.

I decided I would call my next exhibition "Fire and Noise" inspired by the above song. I am a new Nick Cave fan, always knowing his name but never listening to his music, well that has changed. This song has been on constant repeat in my ears for about 2 weeks, and I have watched the song's video (another inspiration) hundreds of times by now. Something about it just speaks to me currently.

When I am germinating ideas for new work, I feel the need to talk it out, test it out and share it with others and that is what I have done for the past week; sharing my thoughts with my community of artist friends near and far. The concepts become more clear when I write them to someone else rather than keeping them solely in my head. I want to compile some of this early correspondence here to remind me of what I want in this new body of work as I move forward in the process.

I recently wrote to a friend about my art career and he asked me the following questions. I think they are important and I want to remember them.
"...Why you paint like you do? Why you don't paint like you could? Why you're lost?"

My answers follow. I have a show in Feb. and I want to do all new work, perhaps work that won't even sell.( why I don't paint like I could).
I need money and I want galleries to be happy with me- If I paint like I could the paintings might not be as "lovely"(why I paint like I do).
I am lost because I am conflicted about marketable work/money vs. art/passion/purpose.

Rest assured I am oversimplifying things in my response to his questions. I do not feel like I am just churning out art that looks good over someones couch simply to make money. I paint with the colors I do because I love those colors. I paint the way I do because it is the way I know to paint and it fits my brain most of the time. I do feel pressure (mostly self imposed) to paint things that have the ability to sell (we all have bills to pay), and perhaps are not the most challenging ie: nothing that new or revolutionary in the grand scheme of the art world. However, I don't really want to create "high art." A lot of what I see in famous art magazines is bizarre self indulgent pretentious shit (there I said it). I don't want to produce that, but I do want to put more of ME into my work, whatever that means. If I don't feel "lovely" perhaps the paintings don't have to be jewel toned, perhaps they can resonate a darkness or coal-like quality if that is how I really feel. (I told you in the title this was a note to myself) Anyway, I digress, back to my conversation with my friend about inspiration for the upcoming show.

I am serious about what I said about the Nick Cave song. I need something to fuel my fire and when I look at that video I would like to dive into that seedy world of fire and noise. But will it sell, who knows... and am I capable of making paintings full of noise and interference???

This is the thing, I doubt my ability to change, I know how to paint the way I paint, it is very intuitive at this point in the game and I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I don't want to begin again, I just want to be more free, and find a way to put more of me into the work, and as an abstract painter, I find that difficult. Certain colors could represent emotions, certain lines can mean things to me, but in the end, how different can it be? My hand does what it does.
In a different conversation with another I artist I talk again about what I am hoping to capture.

I want to take all the doubts, the highs and lows, the passion and drama and try to put them in this show. I am going to try to create Art and perhaps art that won't even sell, and try to be okay with that. We will see. I am tired of painting " lovely" paintings. I want a little more substance, something to ruffle my own feathers if you will. I need to get excited about a concept again. I want to go into something a little darker. If you look up the video for the song( Nick Cave's Do You Love Me?) those are the colors I am aiming for. I am not sure I can really pull this off, I may change in mid swing.. interference will feature prominently.. Buzz, hum, the shit that gets in the way.. electronic prattle of emails, and e-dreams, friends that are friends but not, borders and boundaries.

Sounds like an interesting concept, but again with only color and line, how is the prattle of email portrayed, how is the increasing bombardment of electronic noise captured in an abstract painting? This will be my challenge. I seem stuck in this idea that my work is simply lovely and has no substance as it is, and I don't think this is exactly true. I guess I do give into the pressure that "Art" should not be pretty or decorative but mean something. I am not sure if I can put meaning to the abstractions I create, even within this newly proposed conceptual framework.

Another conversation, again trying to put into words what I want to accomplish...
The ups and downs, the messes that I make, the mix of identities and self imposed pressures, the lines and darkness- I want all of these things to factor into my new work. Perhaps, if the Evidence of the Disappearance was the rise, this show will be the fall- which may actually be free of all the nonsense and soar to new heights?!? Like dirty electricity, a certain truth, static, interference, not pretty- not perfect- Can I ? Do I dare?

Who knows? But I must try...




Today is the last day to purchase work from my Etsy shop and have 20% donated to my friend Will's health care fund. I appreciate all the purchases so far. Also if you put "blogger" in the memo to seller when you place your order I will gladly refund your shipping via paypal after your order is placed.Free shipping to anywhere in the world! So if you have been thinking about it, today is the day to act! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Also if you haven't already, please do not forget to Vote November 4th- this one is too important to miss- thank you.