Funny faces, piss and vinegar

My dad Stephen Chapman died on March 5th. He was 90 years old.

My dad was made up of words and music

A house full of books and records

Built of films and movie star trivia

A wild nest of knowledge

Jonathan Winters meets Raymond Carver

Speaking in tongues

Homebrew beer caps exploding and hitting underneath the basement stairs

He was a charming character

Driving gloves and no stops

Old Milwaukee and a book in bed in the afternoon

"Sunrise, Sunset" on a turquoise painted piano

Funny voices, laughter and thunder

Funny faces, piss and vinegar

Opinions, passions, and outrage

A complex collection

Wild loud jazz

Enunciation and projection

An abstract painting come to life

He wasn't like the other dads. He was something else

and I love him exactly as that.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for your encouragement and understanding of me as a painter.

___________________________________________

I turned 53 the next day.

You can read next week's post here.

I still believe

Well, hello there!

I can't believe it's Friday already but here we are. I just made myself a cup of coffee (it's still a thrill to be back with my old friend). I have an inspirational song playing on repeat at full blast on my headphones and I am ready to sit down and let you know what the hell is going on. 

Check out Mx freaky up there with their oversized crown. After last week's larger canvas filled with multiple faces, I decided this week I wanted to continue to work on canvas rather than paper. Stretched canvas - this is significant (probably only to me). These faces are also significant and I have been pretending that they are not because I think I still don't know them too well and "this is not the work I usually produce." However, it is a series I have been working on since 2017 - in bits and pieces and fits and starts. So perhaps I know these faces better than I realise and perhaps you all know them better than you think as well. 

I am often perplexed by the reaction of folks to my "accidental portraits" (might be time to change the name of the series). However, in my own living room, I have more than 15 faces staring back at me (including animals and buddhas) in various mediums from own my art collection. We all like a face - even one we don't know and one we don't understand. What I understand about these faces, is that I have fun when I paint them. I like that they are often not any particular race or gender, and some of them might be considered disabled or hold a different standard of beauty with their smeared eyes and mouths. Some might be considered fully formed but wrapped up in emotion, trauma, power, or curiosity. It's not for me to figure out how they are understood or experienced. It is my job to show up so that they can show up.

As an abstract painter for what feels like forever I get a little surprised at the reaction to these beings that I have FUN painting. Yes, I do. Y'all are supposed to only like the hard shit- the stuff where I have toiled and suffered - the stuff I have sacrificed everything for. The stuff I am "good" at. Don't try to reason with me - I am trying to share the conversation as it stands in my head. I am working to see it differently now and I am getting there. You might like the more accessible stories in these faces - and I might like them too. There is nothing worse than speaking in a language that people can't understand or doing a song and dance that no one can hear or see  - and sometimes being an abstract painter in Scotland feels like that. So roll on faces... 

This portrait above (Woman of the storms) is very loosely inspired by one of my favourite paintings. Part of me doesn't want to show it to you as I don't want you to have an association, expectation, or judgment. However, I would rather share the beauty of the painting that I love with you than get caught up in any of that ego bullshit. So here you go, isn't she lovely? She reminds me of my mother for some reason. I think my mother must love this painting too. I think a print of this might have been collaged onto a piece of our furniture growing up. How could I have turned into anything other than an artist... 

Portrait of a Lady

Rogier van der Weyden 

1460

oil, panel

34 x 25.5 cm

I enjoyed putting the pair of them together on the painting wall. I might have partially hidden behind the door of the sink room and looked at them through the gap in wonder. Tears may have come to my eyes. Happy Bob Ross tears. Another good week in the studio was brought to us by music, Oreos, coffee, and my stubborn dedication and curiosity. 

If you missed the Tuesday Studio Video Visit, you can see it here. The woman of the storms didn't exist yet so I speak of the crowned one.

In other news, the photo below is of my dear friend and fellow artist, John Simpkins (find him on Facebook at The art of John Simpkins). John creates sublime and wonderful works of art. Here he is pictured in front of one of his latest paintings at his studio in Oregon wearing one of my shirts! Take a minute to learn more about his fabulous work. https://www.johnsimpkins.com. 

Buy yourself a "Polly" t-shirt like John or perhaps another design from my shop https://gutlessapparel.teemill.com. Thanks to everyone who has bought a t-shirt or a tote! Keep sending me your photos! 

And last but not least, in the excitement and sheer delight category - a painting of mine (see below, "On the wind") just SOLD from the fabulous Solo Gallery in Innerleithen in the gorgeous Scottish Borders! Kate, the gallerist, contacted me yesterday to share the good news! I am thrilled! I started showing my work at the Solo gallery the month before the pandemic so you can only imagine how that coloured the experience. I am so happy that this sweet abstract has found a good home with another fellow artist who also shows at Solo Gallery! Thanks again to Kate at the gallery and thanks to Eleanor for choosing my work for her collection! Check out Eleanor Cunningham's work and of course Solo Gallery.

On the wind

Mixed Media on Canvas, 20cm x 20cm framed,

SOLD

Solo Gallery, Innerleithen, Scotland

That's all I have for you this week, thanks so much for your support and for reading my words and enjoying my art.

Special thanks go out to my Ko-fi crew for their financial support and emotional backing in the past 30 days. Thank you: Tamsin, Jennifer, Pat, Jen, John, Mas, Bekky. Join the club and support me here!

Also thanks to the artists and mentees who have trusted me with their art and process. Looking for a mentor? Sign up here!

Until next week, keep fighting and keep showing up!

In the shallows

In the shallows

Mixed media on canvas

80x80cm © 2018 Megan Chapman

Sold

Darkness comes in stages

Mixed media on canvas

30x122cm © 2016 Megan Chapman

Sold

I had the most delightful week of meetups, conversations, connections, sales and so much more... I am so pleased that the two pieces above found their homes this week. This always brings me such joy. You can hear me talk about the process and feelings in my Tuesday Studio Video Visit, below. Thank you for your likes, subscribes, shares, and comments and thank you for sharing in my joy and for supporting my work. It means the world to me.

And while I had a good week, I know many in the world did not. I am thinking of the people of Ukraine. 

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings rejoice in the wellbeing of others.
May all beings live in peace, free from greed and hatred.

Thank you.

Pleased to meet me

It's none of your business how I live my life. I come here to talk about my art and painting. I share my new works with you, recap my Tuesday Studio videos, share interviews, exciting news and let you know where you can see and buy my work or how you can now buy me a cup of coffee in support of my working vision and all the things I share freely on social media channels.

Everything I share is mostly couched in art. It is the studio blog after all and that makes sense. However, sometimes I get tired of just sticking to the facts and the limits of our relationship here. 

I remember once I wrote my Grandma Chapman a letter when I was probably 14 or 15 alluding to the fact that I didn't want a superficial relationship with her anymore. I didn't want to tell her about the weather in Fayetteville and ask her how it was down in North Little Rock. Had it rained? Was it humid there too? I wanted to share my real life with her. I wanted to share when I was mad at my father (her son) or that I had been smoking cigarettes at lunch and after school and when did she start smoking anyway? And there's this boy I like but he's all wrong for me... I wanted to cut the shit so to speak. 

I want to do that with you too. I want to do that with myself as well. 

I've been having a hard time and not just because we need to move from this flat. I have been having a hard time for years.

I pause here because that feels like a heavy statement. I have been having a hard time for years. Yes, me. The one that wishes that you are happy, well, and inspired at the end of each video visit. The one that tells you to keep fighting at the end of most blogs. These are like affirmations that I put out to the world but it is also what I need to hear. I want to be well, happy, and inspired. I want to keep fighting.

So while I have been having a hard time for years, I have also been doing things to help me have a less of a hard time. These things include yoga, meditation, relaxation exercises, affirmations, chanting, counselors, life coaches, shamans, Chinese medicine doctors, western doctors, an outpatient chronic pain clinic for fibromyalgia, masseuses, healers, reaching out to close friends, walking, exercise, writing, making art, volunteering, flirting with and sometimes committing to sober living sometimes for years and sometimes for months, and generally trying to moving forward.

I have also done plenty of things to only exacerbate my hard times over the years, you know like those classics of being angry, drinking too much, eating too much, loving too much, needing too much, and changing too much to please others, numbing myself out, isolating, and living in denial all the while doubting myself, feeling low, and fearing the world.

I remember in my twenties when I was living in Oregon and I was having debilitating anxiety and panic attacks, my brother Sean told me to look inside myself for the answers rather than outside. This sentence written in a letter that took a week to reach me mostly just pissed me off at the time because I couldn't really grasp the concept.

The answers are within but I have needed a lot of help and time to find them there. It's none of your business how I live my life. I come here to talk about my art and painting. I also come here to share my humanity and connect with you. For the past eight weeks and four days, I have made a concerted effort to practice yoga along with meditation (sometimes twice a day). I have been practicing both off and on for decades but this time has felt a bit different, somehow more internalised, connected, and helpful than in times before and I am grateful.

This is setting the stage for better thinking and feeling states and I need this as we look for a place to live and as we move into autumn and winter in Scotland. I have also been listening to Russell Brand's latest book Recovery: Freedom from our Addictions. I like the way he presents the 12 steps in a very relatable way. Mr. Brand can be a polarising celebrity with an egocentric shamanistic vibe (but damn, his impressive vocabulary is certainly something to aspire to). Whatever you think of him, I think he is hitting the right tone with this book in order to connect with many who have been lost when it comes to traditional recovery literature. I can make this statement with some strange and small degree of experience, as once upon a time I was in training to become a chemical dependency counselor in Oregon before I nipped that idea in the bud so I could stop worrying about my drinking, enjoy the music scene, and focus on my art - I am confident I made the right choice. Anyway, some of you might enjoy the book, I am still working my way through it.

I sent this blog post to a dear friend to read before I published it. Am I saying anything wrong? Am I going to be misunderstood? Am I going to be painted into a corner? Am I going to get in trouble? 

The answer is no.

I just want you to know me. I want to share a new baseline understanding. I want to be more of a whole person in this world and that can only be a good thing.

My name is Megan Chapman and I bet we have a lot in common.

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