Without an anchor

I am still here, I didn't turn into dust. I am not sure how. I am walking for miles (my go-to coping strategy) talking, seeing friends, sleeping, resting, grieving, recovering, eating, crying, crying, crying. I talk to you as I look back into the empty rooms. I hope you will visit me in my dreams. I want you back. This is pretty fucking hard. Layers upon layers of grief. I can't move your things. 

My friends have been amazing and the flowers are blooming and the trees are leafing out. I talk to the squirrels, pigeons, and birds. I suddenly have so many bird feeders. My wee animal friends help me - stray cats roam in the garden. They are not you, but I hope they bring messages from you. I am surrounded by beauty in sadness, I am surrounded by big hearts and am aware of all the bodhisattvas that walk in our midst. All the caregivers, healers, and helpers. I try to practice compassion, my mind throws me endless curveballs. I am feeling it all and walking through it. Again I say, this is pretty fucking hard. I miss you so much, Theo. 

In other news, I learned of another loss. My friend, patron, supporter of the arts, punk rocker, photographer and all-around good guy, Peter Goodbody passed away at the end of March and with everything else going on I only just found out. 

If you bought a print or t-shirt with one of my faces on it, Peter Goodbody is the reason why. He suggested that I make them and so I followed through. I will always be grateful for his patronage, friendship, and support. He was a brilliant supporter of musicians and artists across the board. 

Peter interviewed me for his music and art website, P3DRO. I was honoured to be asked but even more thrilled with how brilliant the interview was - he asked great questions and I enjoyed being able to weave my love of music and art together. The interview felt like a special gift. I will always be thankful for Peter and all his help and support over the years. Rest in Power, my friend. You will be missed. 

Here is the interview again for those who missed it the first time or who would like to read it again. 

https://p3dro.net/2021/03/01/megan-chapman-this-is-our-family-tree-made-of-charcoal-dust/

Peter Goodbody modelling one of my shirts.

Thank you, Peter. 

Could I tell you anything more?

Could I tell you anything more
mixed media on 200gsm acid-free paper
42x59.4cm/16.5x23.4"
©2020 Megan Chapman

What can I tell you now?

I am grateful for the flowers and the honest conversations. 

I am grateful for bowls of soup served on the tables of friends.

I am grateful for the "Just checking in..." and "Hows you?" lighting up my phone. 

I am grateful for the sounds of nature: birdsong, wind, and waves. 

I am grateful for dreams, new ideas, and laughter. 

I am grateful for the tall grass as it dances. 

Oh, what a beautiful world. 

Thank you sun, moon, stars, and music. 

Thank you art, film, and culture. 

Alchemy, magic, and mystery. 

Thank you.

After the way

On an 8-mile local walk this week

There was the blog that I wanted to post today and the blog you are getting. 

I started the first option yesterday, writing about the 10 days on the John Muir Way with my niece Elena, but found it quite overwhelming as I just couldn't focus in the way I wanted. But I have started and will finish it eventually. I decided to just post something for this week and take some of the self-imposed pressure off. I can't believe it has already been a whole week since we got off The Way and took a train back to Edinburgh from Dunbar. 

This week was a return to some sort of normalcy. I hadn't been on a holiday in so long that I forgot about the odd phase right after. So, I tidied up the house, unpacked, did laundry, and watered the plants. I checked in with friends and some family. I caught up on some sleep (I didn't sleep that great while on The Way) and took a few naps. I returned to some work and mentored an artist and took care of business emails, I recorded my Tuesday Studio Video Visit and attended scheduled appointments. I applied for and received my Scot Rail "Club 50" Smart Rail Card (for reduced-priced train travel). I visited a few friends, took myself out for a chai latte, and I made sure to walk daily, anywhere from 2 to 10 miles. I threw in a couple of sessions of aerobics and some yoga for good measure. I realised that it is these more or less daily exercise habits that enabled me to "just go" on the 135-mile (official) John Muir Way (it was 170 miles in total with extraneous walking) over 10 days, spontaneously without too much issue or injury. 

I must admit that right now everything seems a bit dull. I miss my effervescent niece and I miss the task of simply putting one foot in front of the other with a pack on your back and winding up in a farmer's field, a scenic glen, or in a grove of trees by the sea and sleeping somewhere new as you go. The nomadic life (of sorts) appeals to me. Constantly moving forward, exploring, with only a few responsibilities, and all under your own steam seems like a good way to spend time on the planet at least periodically. There are so many lessons and learnings on the way.

Getting out on a few longer walks this week (I even stepped out on a bit of the local John Muir Way again) seemed like a good way to transition and to remember how much local beauty there is that I get to explore each day. I feel very fortunate.

I know this is an art blog - but I also know that walking factors into my art. It certainly factors into my enjoyment of life and allows me the space to listen to my head and heart and to get clear about things. 

I think that is all I have for you this week, a return to normalcy - a simple post about a simple joy. 

Until next week, take good care.

Interpol - No I In Threesome

A simple dose of beauty and inspiration.

Now read the post below about creating a sense of community and identity for artists in our town and give me your two cents on how it can be done in the comments! Thanks.